(Transcribed by TurboScribe.ai. Go Unlimited to remove this message.)
(0:00 - 1:28)
Your child comes downstairs and says, my stomach hurts. You touch their forehead and there's no fever. They look fine, but suddenly your chest feels tight.
Your mind starts racing. Are they faking it? Am I being manipulated? What if I'm too soft? What if I'm too harsh? Sound familiar? Here's what's really happening in that moment, and it's probably not what you think. Yes, your child might be experiencing anxiety.
However, what's happening to you is just as important. And here's something we rarely discuss. When our kids struggle, we often feel like we're failing.
We get overwhelmed, anxious, and then guilty about feeling anxious. We dismiss their feelings because we don't know how to handle our own. We say, you'll be fine, not because it helps them, but because we need to believe it ourselves.
I spent decades caught in this cycle, feeling helpless every time my kids or grandkids struggled emotionally. I thought being strong meant pushing through feelings, mine and theirs. So stay with me until the end, when I share three ways that transformed how I handle my anxious emotions and how that change rippled out to others in my life.
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Welcome to Lessons for Life with Grandma Kate. If you want to stop yelling, end the daily power struggles, or manage your frustration better, but don't know how, you're in the right place. I get it.
I was there too. And as a grandma, I finally started learning the emotional life skills I wish I'd had learned at a younger age. Each week, I share simple, practical resources that help you develop your own social skills so that you can be the calm, confident inspiration to others.
New episodes drop every Thursday, so hit that subscribe button. And hey, if something here speaks to you, leaving a quick review helps others find these tools too. Like a lighthouse, steady and strong, let's all shine a little brighter today.
Here's what makes our kids' struggles emotionally so hard. Most of us are carrying our own unresolved anxiety and emotional wounds. We grew up in a different era.
When I was little and got overwhelmed, my mother would say, there, there, don't make such a fuss. When I felt anxious, my father would tell me to toughen up. Well meaning.
But these responses taught me that emotions were problems to be solved, not information to be understood. And the result? I became an adult with a limited emotional vocabulary consisting of only happy, sad, mad, fine, and not much else. When my kids struggled, I felt lost.
When they came to me with their butterflies, I was scrambling inside thinking, I don't know how to help them because I don't even understand my feelings. So I default to what I knew. You'll be fine.
Don't worry about it. There's nothing to be scared of. Not because these responses helped, but because they temporarily quieted my anxiety about not knowing what to do.
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But here's what I learned the hard way. When you don't understand your emotional world, you can't guide anyone else through theirs. Your unprocessed anxiety becomes their unprocessed anxiety.
Your emotional avoidance teaches them to avoid their emotions as well. I dealt with anxiety and depression for years until I was in my 60s when I finally learned simple ways to calm my nervous system. My big moment came when I realized something important.
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My constant worry and stress weren't just hurting me. It was affecting every talk I had with my family. When my kids had problems, my heart would race.
When they got upset, I couldn't breathe. My mind would jump to the worst things that could happen. That's when I learned that anxiety isn't in your head.
Your whole body feels it. My nervous system was always on high alert, ready for danger, even when there wasn't any. I had no idea how to calm it down.
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Learning simple ways to calm my body changed everything. When I could quiet my worry and stress, I finally had the energy to help others with theirs. Your body doesn't distinguish between a real threat and the emotional threat of not knowing how to help your child.
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You feel overwhelmed because your stress response is activated. You might notice your shoulders tensing, your breath getting shallow, your mind racing with worst-case scenarios or self-criticism. That's your body telling you how you feel, but most of us never learned how to understand these signals.
The problem isn't that you're a bad person or parent. The problem is that you're trying to regulate someone else's emotions when you haven't learned to regulate yours. It's like trying to teach someone to drive when you've never learned yourself.
So here are the three quick ways to overcome anxiety and calm your nervous system. Number one, the 4-7-8 breathing reset. When you feel that familiar anxiety rising, your nervous system goes into overdrive.
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Instead of reacting from that activated state, use this quick breathing technique to calm your nervous system. Breathe in for 4 counts, hold for 7 counts, and breathe out for 8 counts. And then repeat this three times.
So breathe in for 4, hold for 7, and breathe out for 8. This technique activates your parasympathetic nervous system, your body's natural calm down response. It literally shifts you from fight or flight mode into a regulated state where you can think clearly and respond thoughtfully. And number two, the 2-minute body scan.
Most anxiety builds gradually, but we don't notice it until we're overwhelmed. This daily practice teaches you to catch anxiety early and release it before it takes over. Starting from the top of your head, slowly scan down through your body.
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Notice areas of tension without trying to fix them. Tight shoulders? Acknowledge it. Clenched jaw? Just notice.
Churning stomach? Note it. Then consciously release each area. I'm letting my shoulders soften.
I'm relaxing my jaw. I'm allowing my stomach to settle. Scanning isn't just awareness.
It's active nervous system regulation. You're teaching your body how to return to a state of calm. When you practice this daily, you catch anxiety in its early stages instead of waiting until you're in crisis mode.
And number three, the anxiety interrupt pattern. When you feel anxiety spiking, your thoughts start racing. So this technique interrupts that cycle and brings you back to the present moment.
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The moment you notice anxiety building, say out loud, I notice I'm feeling anxious right now. This feeling will pass. I am safe in this moment.
Then engage your senses. Name three things you can see, two things you can hear, and one thing you can touch. This grounds you in the present moment and interrupts the anxiety spiral.
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Your nervous system gets the message that you're safe, which allows it to calm down. Here's what I discovered. When I learned to understand and manage my anxious emotions, I stopped seeing my kids' emotions as problems to solve.
Instead, I can see them as information to understand. When my grandchild said, my stomach hurts before school, instead of feeling panic or irritation, I felt curiosity. Instead of rushing to fix or dismiss, I could stay present and help them explore what their body was telling them.
This shift didn't happen overnight, but it was profound. The difference is that now these responses come from your emotional understanding, not from a script you're trying to remember while you're panicking inside. Your challenge this week is to practice the body scan each morning.
Start to notice the signals your body is giving you. Then pay attention to how your emotional awareness affects the atmosphere in your home, because when you're emotionally grounded, others respond accordingly. Whether you're figuring out your own feelings, working through a tough moment as a family, or learning to talk through things with others, you're practicing the emotional life skills that help us grow into the people we want to be.
Listening is great, but nothing changes if you don't actually use what you've just learned. So pick one idea from today and try it out this week. That's when the magic happens.
And if you want to keep building your social skills, hit follow for more from Lessons for Life with Grandma Kate. And if no one has told you lately, everything will be okay. Tomorrow is a new day, and with it comes new hope.
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As I conclude this episode, I must state that this podcast is designed solely for educational and entertainment purposes. While I bring my experience as a parent and grandparent, it's essential that you know, I am not a licensed therapist. This podcast is not a substitute for professional advice from a physician, professional coach, psychotherapist, or other qualified professional.
Got it? Awesome. Until next time, what is one thing you are grateful for?
(Transcribed by TurboScribe.ai. Go Unlimited to remove this message.)
