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Have you ever walked away from a conversation thinking, wait, am I crazy? Like someone made you question your memory, your feelings, or what actually happened? That's what gaslighting does. And the worst part, most of us don't realize it's happening until we're deep in it. I didn't even know I was being gaslit until years later.
For me, it started in childhood. I was often the scapegoat in my family. You know, the one blamed, the one left trying to explain myself.
That early patterning made me vulnerable. Over the years, I found myself being gaslit by coworkers, friends, and even people I trusted deeply. I doubted my memory, my feelings, and my own reality over and over again.
Today, I want to help you understand what gaslighting really is, how it works, and more importantly, how to protect your inner peace and take your power back. And just a heads up, this episode might be a little triggering. And while I'm here to share what I've learned, this is not therapy or a substitute for professional advice.
Okay? Okay. Welcome to the Lessons for Life with Grandma Kate podcast. Each week, I share stories, reflections, and gentle guidance to help you navigate life's relationships, especially the ones that start with yourself.
I discuss topics such as learning to say no when something doesn't feel right, finding your voice, and working through everyday conflicts with kindness and courage. These aren't just skills. They're the building blocks of self-esteem and can help you live with more clarity, confidence, and heart.
New episodes drop every Thursday, so hit that subscribe button and join me on this journey. And hey, if something here speaks to you, leaving a quick review helps others find it too. Like a lighthouse steady and strong, let's all shine a little brighter today.
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So what exactly is gaslighting? The word actually comes from a play written in 1938 called Gaslight. In it, a husband manipulates his wife by secretly dimming the gaslights in their home. When she notices and says something, he tells her she's imagining it.
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Over time, she starts to believe she's losing her mind. That's gaslighting. Making someone doubt the reality until they start to question everything.
In simple terms, gaslighting is a form of emotional abuse. It's when someone tries to control you by messing with your perception of the truth. They deny things they said.
They tell you you're too sensitive. They twist your words, ignore proof, and make you feel like you are the problem. It's not just lying.
It's lying with the intention of making you question your sanity. Here are some common things gaslighters say. You're too sensitive.
That never happened. Can't you take a joke? You're overreacting. Sound familiar? Psychologist Dr. Romani Dervisula talks about how gaslighting happens in stages, and it's usually with someone you care about.
A parent, a partner, a boss. It starts with trust. You trust this person, which makes their denial hit harder.
Then they start dismissing your instincts. I never said that. Or, you're remembering it wrong.
Next comes the judgment. They question your mental health. They act like there is something wrong with you, and they do it in a way that makes sense.
Over time, you start asking yourself, did I really say that? Or, maybe I am too sensitive. Eventually, you stop trusting your own memory and rely on theirs instead. The final blow? You begin gaslighting yourself.
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You say things like, maybe I need to toughen up. Or, maybe I am the problem. That's what self-gaslighting looks like, and it's heartbreaking.
Because now, the gaslighter doesn't even need to twist the truth anymore. You're doing it for them. So, why do people gaslight? There are lots of reasons, but it usually boils down to control.
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Some people gaslight to avoid blame. Others want to feel powerful by confusing you. Some do it to hide lies.
And others want you to feel so unsure of yourself that you become dependent on them. It's not always intentional or planned out, but it's always damaging. Now, let's clear something up.
There's a big difference between lying and gaslighting. Lying is when someone says something untrue. Plain and simple.
Like if a friend says, I'll meet you at four, and then doesn't show up and makes up a story about why. That's lying. It's dishonest.
But they're not making you question your reality. Gaslighting goes a step further. It's when that same friend says, I never agreed to meet you.
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Even after you show them the text, they deny what happened, dismiss the proof, and make you question your own memory. That's emotional manipulation. And it's designed to make you feel off balance so they can stay in control.
So, what can you do if you realize you've been gaslit? Here are five ways to empower yourself. Number one, trust your feelings. Your emotions are valid.
If something doesn't feel right, it probably isn't. Don't let anyone talk you out of what you know deep down to be true. You do not need to convince the gaslighter.
In fact, don't even try. Instead, calmly say this, we're having different experiences and then disengage. No drama, no reaction.
That's your power. And number two, write things down. Keep a journal.
Log what was said, how it made you feel, and what really happened. This is especially helpful in work situations where someone may twist the facts later. Journaling helps you stay grounded in your truth.
And three, talk to someone you trust. Find a friend, family member, or mentor who sees you clearly and believes in you. Sometimes, all it takes is someone saying, no, you're not crazy.
That did happen, to bring you back to yourself. Number four, step back. If you can, create some distance from the person who's gaslighting you.
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Time and space can help you feel like yourself again. You'll begin to hear your own voice more clearly once theirs isn't always in your head. And five, get support.
If the gaslighting has really shaken your confidence or hurt your mental health, talk to a therapist or counselor who understands emotional abuse. You are not weak for needing help. You are wise for reaching out.
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I'm sharing all this today because gaslighting has become way too common, and not enough people talk about it in real life. We brush it off. We think we're imagining it.
But you're not. You're waking up. If something about this episode hit home, please know you're not alone.
You're not broken, and you're not imagining things. Gaslighting is designed to make you feel small. Healing is a way to remember how powerful you are.
So take a deep breath. You're doing the work. You're reclaiming your voice.
And no one, I mean no one, gets to take that away from you. So whether you're standing up for yourself, having an honest conversation, or working through a tough moment with someone, remember you're building positive relationships one skill at a time. And don't just learn these skills.
Live them. That's when the magic happens. If this episode has motivated you, hit follow for more life lessons from Lessons for Life with Grandma Kate.
And if no one has told you lately, everything will be okay. Tomorrow is a new day, and with it comes new hope. There is always time to rewrite your family story.
Break free from patterns that no longer serve you, and create a home filled with love, understanding, and unwavering support. I'm here to guide you every step of the way. As I conclude this episode, I must state that this podcast is designed solely for educational and entertainment purposes.
While I bring my experience as a parent and grandparent, it's essential that you know I am not a licensed therapist. This podcast is not a substitute for professional advice from a physician, professional coach, psychotherapist, or other qualified professional. Got it? Awesome.
Until next time, what is one thing you are grateful for?
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