(Transcribed by TurboScribe.ai. Go Unlimited to remove this message.)
(0:00 - 2:06)
I've been talking a lot these past few weeks about our actions and our inactions, because I'm working through some of my own challenges. One of them is not speaking up when I feel mistreated. I have stayed silent for far too long.
I allowed people to disrespect me, dismiss me, and make me feel small, and I just kept quiet. I was taught to keep the peace, oh don't rock the boat, but you know what staying silent really did? It slowly chipped away at me. My self-worth dropped, my confidence faded, and my self-esteem? Gone.
I couldn't even recognize myself anymore, or the happy, energetic, curious little girl I once was. That joyful spirit got buried under years of silence, of doing for others, of not speaking up in case I hurt someone else's feelings. So I decided to start speaking up, quietly at first, because I was terrified.
I wasn't sure I could handle the potential conflict that might arise from it. I didn't know if I'd have the words, the strength, or the calm I'd need if someone lashed out. But then I did it.
I spoke up, and I lived through it. And here's the surprise. I didn't yell.
I didn't scream. In the past, I was a yeller just like my mom was. But something changed.
I was calm. I was steady. And let me tell you, that calmness unsettled the other person.
They weren't used to this version of me. Looking back now, I wish I'd learned this sooner. I wish I had spoken up when things first started hurting, instead of burying those feelings and letting them eat away at me.
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So here's the question I want to ask you today. What happens when we choose silence for too long? Welcome to the Lessons for Life with Grandma Kate podcast. Each week I share stories, reflections, and gentle guidance to help you navigate life's relationships, especially the ones that start with yourself.
I'll discuss topics such as learning to say no when something doesn't feel right, finding your voice, and working through everyday conflicts with kindness and courage. These aren't just skills. They're the building blocks of self-esteem and can help you live with more clarity, confidence, and heart.
New episodes drop every Thursday, so hit that subscribe button and join me on this journey. And hey, leaving a quick review helps others find it too. Like a lighthouse steady and strong, let's shine a little brighter today.
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So why do hard conversations matter? We often think silence is the noble choice, the peaceful choice, the mature one. And sometimes that is true. But other times, silence is a shield.
We stay quiet because we want to avoid conflict, avoid hurting someone's feelings, or avoid hearing something we don't want to face in ourselves. Oh, we tell ourselves we're just keeping the peace. But here's the truth.
We're not keeping peace. We're postponing pain. And the longer we avoid saying what needs to be said, the more it eats away at us.
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Silence has a cost. Over time, it leads to resentment because we're swallowing our feelings. It leads to misunderstanding because people don't know what's going on in our lives.
And it leads to lost connection with other people because we're not showing up fully in the relationship. We think we're protecting the other person, but really, we're sacrificing ourselves. We're sacrificing our needs, our voice, and sometimes even our self-respect.
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And here's the most challenging part. Our silence can also mean we never give the other person the chance to do better and explain their side of things or their needs. Inner peace is being able to sleep at night because you finally said what needed to be said calmly and respectfully with the hope of healing or at least finding some mutual understanding even if it was hard.
So let's be real. Hard conversations are uncomfortable. They stir up fear.
What if the other person gets angry? What if they twist my words? What if they shut down or stop talking to me altogether? What if I cry, stumble, or say the wrong thing? But beneath all those fears, there's usually one that runs deeper. What if I speak up and it doesn't even matter? What if they don't take me seriously or worse, just brush it off? That fear is real. But here's something I've learned.
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Silence doesn't erase the need to speak. It just buries it. And the longer you bury it, the heavier it gets.
Eventually, the signs start showing up. You keep replaying the moment over and over in your head. You start avoiding the other person altogether.
Your body tenses every time you're around them. Those are all signals from your mind and your body that something needs to be said. And while there's nothing wrong with taking a breath or choosing the right time, staying silent forever won't bring inner peace.
(6:25 - 6:40)
Speaking up is what begins to set it free. But if you're still feeling too reactive, or if your goal is to win rather than connect, it's okay to wait a little. Let yourself cool off.
(6:40 - 10:05)
Let your intentions catch up with your emotions. The goal isn't to fight. It's to be heard and to actively listen to the other person.
So how do you prepare for a hard conversation? Let's be honest. Most of us were never taught how to have hard conversations. We were taught to avoid, explode, or stuff it all down until we couldn't take it anymore.
No one sat us down and said, here's how you speak your truth without burning the house down. So when we finally get the courage to say something, we often come in too hot or not at all. So let's break it down into five easy tips.
If you've never had a hard conversation before, or if you've tried and it blew up in your face, here's how you can prepare in a way that's honest, respectful, and actually leads to inner peace. Number one, before you speak up, get clear on why you're speaking. Ask yourself these questions.
Why do I want to have this conversation? What outcome am I hoping for? Is it healing, clarity, setting a boundary? Is this about control of the other person or connection? You don't have to have it all figured out, but knowing your why will help you stay steady when emotions rise. And number two, set the environment. Make it safe, private, and calm.
These conversations should not happen in public, not at the grocery store, not over text, and not in front of other family members who might take sides. Choose a setting where both of you can feel safe. Maybe sitting side by side at the kitchen table, on a walk, or even in the car if that feels less confrontational.
And remember, you can speak the truth without raising your voice. You can set a boundary without starting a war. That's the goal.
Calm truth, firm kindness. Now number three, timing matters. Don't do it in the middle of chaos.
You don't drop a truth bomb during a birthday dinner, or as someone's walking out the door, or in the heat of a fight. If it's with your spouse, your ex-partner, or child, pick a quiet time when you're both somewhat regulated. That means being fed, rested, and not emotionally hijacked.
You can say something like, when you have time today, I'd like to have a quick but important conversation. Respect their space too, but don't keep putting it off. Avoidance doesn't create inner peace, it just creates distance.
And number four, yes, you can rehearse what you want to say, and maybe sometimes you should. This is not about scripting every word, but if this conversation matters, it's better to prepare. You can journal what you want to say.
(10:05 - 11:43)
You can practice it out loud in the car. I have learned to start with the bad news first. Don't start with the niceties of the day.
Here's an example if someone has dismissed you or made a comment at a work or family dinner that didn't sit right with you and it has been bothering you. Most often the other person doesn't even know how they came across. So try something like this.
This isn't easy for me to bring up, but I care about our relationship and I don't want to keep this inside. I need your help to either and then have them clarify what they said or did. Explain the situation to them and how you interpreted how you felt.
Or you can try, I've been feeling hurt about something and I want to talk it through, not to blame, but to clear the air. And then again, explain what has caused you to feel the way you do. Calm is a superpower and part of being calm is being ready.
Rehearsing gives your nervous system a preview. So when the real moment comes, your voice doesn't have to shake as much. You've already walked through it once in your mind.
And number five, prepare for any outcome, but stay in your integrity. You might get a warm response from the other person. You might get silence.
You might even get them being defensive. You can't control how someone reacts, but you can control how you show up. You don't need to justify every feeling.
(11:43 - 11:56)
You don't need to prove every point and you don't need a perfect script to speak your truth. You just need to stay rooted in calm and clarity. That's what assertive communication is.
(11:57 - 12:13)
It's not aggressive. It's not passive, but self-respecting. Then end the conversation with how you feel now about the situation and ask the other person how they are doing by actively listening to them as they have hopefully listened to you.
(12:14 - 14:42)
The more I speak up, the more I keep speaking up because that's how I teach people how to treat me. Like the time I told someone they were disrespectful when they threw something across the room after I had asked nicely for it to be put away. Or the time I felt like a comment made to me by someone I respected felt like a slap in the face.
So I spoke up and said so. Speaking up gives people a chance to clear up misunderstandings or show you who they really are. What you do with that information is up to you.
At the end of the day, most of us want to be respected, valued and appreciated. So don't be afraid to teach others how to treat you. Don't be afraid to say what needs to be said, but calmly and clearly because the truth is it does get easier every time and you get stronger, clearer and more grounded with every hard conversation you choose to have.
So whether you're standing up for yourself, having an honest conversation or working through a tough moment with someone, remember you're building positive relationships one skill at a time. And don't just learn these skills, live them. That's when the magic happens.
If this episode has motivated you, hit follow for more life lessons from Lessons for Life with Grandma Kate. And if no one has told you lately, everything will be okay. Tomorrow is a new day and with it comes new hope.
There is always time to rewrite your family story. Break free from patterns that no longer serve you and create a home filled with love, understanding and unwavering support. I'm here to guide you every step of the way.
As I conclude this episode, I must state that this podcast is designed solely for educational and entertainment purposes. While I bring my experience as a parent and grandparent, it's essential that you know I am not a licensed therapist. This podcast is not a substitute for professional advice from a physician, professional coach, psychotherapist or other qualified professional.
(14:42 - 14:49)
Got it? Awesome! Until next time, what is one thing you are grateful for?
(Transcribed by TurboScribe.ai. Go Unlimited to remove this message.)
