(Transcribed by TurboScribe.ai. Go Unlimited to remove this message.)
(0:00 - 3:57)
I've been on a bit of a rant lately, haven't I? For the past few episodes, I've talked a lot about our actions, how they speak louder than words, how they reflect our values, and how quickly people judge us based on what we do. But something's been still nagging with me this past week, and it hit me during a Sea-Doo ride. One of those quiet moments when you finally have space to think clearly.
And it was this. What about the things we don't do? What about our silence? What does that say about us? Because in some cases, silence isn't always kindness. It's avoidance, and it sends a message whether we mean it to or not.
So today we're flipping the script. We're talking about inaction and how powerful and even harmful it can be, especially in the one place most of us struggle to speak up, family relationships. If you've ever walked away from a conversation, bitten your tongue at a family dinner, or locked yourself in the bathroom just to breathe, this episode is for you.
It's called How to Survive Family Relationships Without Hiding in the Bathroom. And yes, we're going there. Welcome to the Lessons for Life with Grandma Kay podcast.
Each week I share stories, reflections, and gentle guidance to help you navigate life's relationships, especially the ones that start with yourself. I'll discuss topics such as learning to say no when something doesn't feel right, finding your voice, and working through everyday conflicts with kindness and courage. These aren't just skills.
They're the building blocks of self-esteem and can help you live with more clarity, confidence, and heart. New episodes drop every Thursday, so hit that subscribe button and join me on this journey. And hey, if something here speaks to you, leaving a quick review helps others find it too.
Like a lighthouse steady and strong, let's all shine a little brighter today. So let's start here. Inaction isn't just laziness or forgetting.
It's a choice. It's when we choose not to act, not to speak, not to get involved, even when something inside us says we probably should. And the funny thing? Most people don't see inaction as a choice.
But it is. Whether you decide to speak up or stay quiet, you've still made a decision. And that decision reveals something about your values, beliefs, and boundaries.
Let's say your child tells you about a situation at school, such as a student bullying a classmate, and everyone is ignoring it. If you shrug and say, just mind your own business to your child, you've chosen silence. But you've also taught your child that doing nothing is okay, even when someone is being hurt.
That's how quickly patterns begin. That's how kids learn to ignore their gut or stay out of things that matter. Because here's the truth.
When you stand for nothing, you fall for anything. Inaction may seem like a way to stay neutral, but it often ends up being a quiet agreement with whatever's happening. And when we choose silence, we're still saying something.
We're just saying it without words. That brings me to something we don't always talk about enough. Why do we stay silent in the first place? What's holding us back? Now I want to show a little compassion here, because I get it.
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Silence isn't always about not caring. It's often about being afraid. We stay silent because we don't want to start drama, hurt someone's feelings, or get in over our head.
And we say things like, it's not my place. Oh, someone else will speak up. I don't want to be the bad guy.
But when we dig deeper, what's going on is that we're afraid of the consequences. We're afraid of being disliked, misunderstood, or caught in the middle. We avoid speaking up because it feels too risky.
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But here's the truth that's hard to swallow. The cost of silence can be significantly higher than the cost of speaking the truth. And what is the cost of silence? It can look like broken trust.
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It can look like enabling harmful behavior. It can mean staying up at night with regret or watching someone you love get hurt while you did nothing. Sometimes the cost of silence is the message it sends.
Your pain isn't important enough for me to speak up. So let me ask you this. If your silence protects you but leaves someone else vulnerable, is that a price you're willing to live with? To bring this to life, let's explore a few situations that might resonate closely with you.
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Here's a few real-life situations that make this all feel more personal. These are messy, but life isn't always clean and simple. Imagine you know someone's being cheated on.
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It's your best friend. You love them, but you also don't want to ruin their world or be the messenger who causes pain. So you say nothing.
But what happens when they find out you knew and didn't tell them? Or imagine it's your child's friend who gets in trouble with the law and you know that friend is still hanging out with other kids. Do you call other parents? Do you discuss this with your child? Or do you avoid the topic altogether? Or think about when someone says something cruel or prejudiced at a family dinner party. You're frozen.
Do you laugh uncomfortably and move on? Or do you say, that's not okay? Every one of these examples carries weight and each one teaches your children, your friends, even yourself, what kind of person you are willing to be and not to be. But what happens when we don't act in those moments? Let's talk about the ripple effects, especially the ones we don't always see right away. Let's not forget this part.
When we stay silent, we think we're keeping the peace, but often we're doing the opposite. We're creating confusion, mistrust, or worse, betrayal. Consider the examples just given.
The friend who discovers you knew something important and didn't share it with them. Even if you meant well, they may feel like you didn't respect or protect them. Trust is fragile.
And silence, especially when it comes from someone they love, can break it in ways that are hard to repair. And for our kids, silence doesn't go unnoticed. It becomes a message, a permission slip, a pattern.
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Now this part might be triggering for some, so please take care as you listen. We need to talk about the silence around abuse, especially sexual abuse in children. This is often where the silence runs deepest.
Every family has stories, whispers, warnings like, just don't be alone with him. But no one says why. Nothing more is done.
It becomes the family secret. But here's the truth. Silence is what keeps abuse hidden.
I'm going to repeat that. Silence is what keeps abuse hidden. When adults look the other way or tiptoe around uncomfortable truths, children pick up on that.
They learn quickly what can and cannot be discussed. They might sense that something is wrong, but if no one else is saying it out loud, they might wonder if they're just imagining it. They may stay quiet out of fear, shame, or confusion, because the grown-ups around them did too.
That's how generations repeat harm. Not always by what people do, but by what they don't do. So let me be clear.
If someone makes your child uncomfortable, trust that feeling. If something feels off, speak up, call it out, set a boundary, even if it upsets the family, even if it shakes the family tree. Because silence might protect the abuser, but it never protects the victim.
If this stirred something in you or reminded you of a painful truth from your past, please know you're not alone. I'll leave a few helpful support resources in the show notes if you or someone you love needs a place to turn. Because when we break the silence, when we open the door to safety, healing, and truth, then that's a door worth opening.
So let's talk about what we can do and how we can start using our voices to lead with courage and not fear. Here's the hopeful part. We can model courage, not perfection.
Courage. We can show our kids what it looks like to be brave, honest, and kind, even when it's uncomfortable. I'm not saying you need to jump into every conflict with both feet.
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Sometimes it's just about checking in, saying, hey, are you okay? Or, I noticed that and it didn't feel right. It doesn't need to be loud. It just needs to be real.
We can teach our kids to ask questions when something feels off, stand up for others, even in small ways, and use their voice kindly but firmly. And we can show them how to do it too, even if our voice shakes, even if we're scared. Because the truth is, when we speak up, we don't just protect others, we protect our integrity.
And that's something worth passing on. Now, if you're wondering where to begin, how to break the pattern of silence, you don't need a huge moment. If you've been silent in the past, don't beat yourself up.
We all have. But starting today, you can do things differently. Here are a few small steps to build your courage muscle.
Practice low-risk truth. Speak up about little things to build confidence. Use a kind truth phrase.
Try, this might be hard to hear, but I care enough to say it. Check in instead of confronting. Questions open doors.
Ask, how are you doing with that? And journal what your silence costs you. Self-reflection helps you make a different choice next time. And most of all, trust your gut.
If your stomach flips or your heart sinks, that's your intuition nudging you. Don't ignore it. So let me ask you again, if actions speak louder than words, what does your silence scream? Don't underestimate the power of saying something, anything with honesty and care.
You never know who needs your courage to find their own. And remember, you can survive family relationships without hiding in the bathroom. Sometimes all it takes is this courage to speak up and maybe a deep breath before the next family dinner.
Whether you're standing up for yourself, having an honest conversation, or working through a tough moment with someone, remember you're building positive relationships one skill at a time. And don't just learn these skills, live them. That's when the magic happens.
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If this episode has motivated you, hit follow for more life lessons from Lessons for Life with Grandma Kate. And if no one has told you lately, everything is going to be okay. Tomorrow is a new day and with it comes new hope.
There is always time to rewrite your family story. Break free from patterns that no longer serve you and create a home filled with love, understanding, and unwavering support. I'm here to guide you every step of the way.
As I conclude this episode, I must state that this podcast is designed solely for educational and entertainment purposes. While I bring my experience as a parent and grandparent, it's essential that you know I am not a licensed therapist. This podcast is not a substitute for professional advice from a physician, professional coach, psychotherapist, or other qualified professional.
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Got it? Awesome! Until next time, what is one thing you are grateful for?
(Transcribed by TurboScribe.ai. Go Unlimited to remove this message.)
