(Transcribed by TurboScribe.ai. Go Unlimited to remove this message.)
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I want you to stop for a minute and really think about this. What would you think of the person who helps an elderly woman with a walker cross a busy road? You see them chatting, smiling, maybe even laughing together. What comes to mind? Kindness? Compassion? Would you think, now that's someone I'd like to know.
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Now let's flip the scene. What if you saw an adult yelling at a small child in the middle of a mall? They're dragging the child by the arm, snapping harsh words loud enough for everyone to hear. Strangers are stopping to look.
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What would you think about that adult? See what just happened? In both situations, you likely formed a strong opinion. And here's the kicker. You don't even know these people.
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You haven't heard their stories, don't know their names, and yet, based on what they did in a moment, you made a judgment about who they are. That's how powerful our actions are. And here's the zinger.
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If we're forming opinions about others based on what they do, then people are doing the same thing with us. Even if they've never spoken to us, our actions are speaking for us loud and clear. Today I want to talk about something we often overlook.
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The gap between what we say we believe and how we actually show up. Because at the end of the day, it's not just our words that speak. It's our habits, our choices, our tone, our timing.
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It's how we treat people, especially when no one's watching. So here's the question. Do your actions reflect the kind of person you truly believe you are? Welcome to the Lessons for Life with Grandma Kate Podcast.
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Each week I share stories, reflections, and gentle guidance to help you navigate life's relationships, especially the ones that start with yourself. I'll discuss topics such as learning to say no when something doesn't feel right, finding your voice, and working through everyday conflicts with kindness and courage. These aren't just skills, they're the building blocks of self-esteem and can help you live with more clarity, confidence, and heart.
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New episodes drop every Thursday, so hit that subscribe button and join me on this journey. And hey, if something here speaks to you, leaving a quick review helps others find it too. Like a lighthouse steady and strong, let's shine a little brighter today.
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Okay, let's look at what we say we believe versus how we actually live. There's often a big difference between what we say we believe and how we show up day-to-day. It's not always intentional.
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Sometimes we just don't realize the habits we've built or the choices we're making. But if we want to live in line with our values, we need to pay attention to the actions we repeat, not just the words we say. Because in the end, our actions are what people notice.
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Here is another example of what I mean by that. The other day I was driving to an appointment in the pouring rain. Off to the side of the road, I saw someone running on the fitness trail, completely soaked but steady in their pace.
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And the first thought that popped into my head was, wow, that person must really value their health. Just like that, I had formed an opinion, not because of anything they said, but because of what they did. Their actions, running in the rain, spoke louder than any words could.
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And that got me to thinking. It's easy to say we believe in things like kindness, honesty, or patience. Most people do.
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However, it becomes more challenging when we examine how we embody those values. Do we treat the customer service worker with the same kindness we expect from others? Do we stay patient when our kids are melting down, or do we lose our temper? I've told myself I want to be healthy, but if I'm honest, there are times I've reached for a candy bar when I'm overwhelmed and stressed. It's in those small, daily moments where we start to see the gap between our beliefs and our actions.
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Sometimes we don't even notice we're out of alignment until something forces us to stop and think, am I showing up the way I believe I should? When we ask ourselves that question, that's when change begins. We are becoming aware of whether our actions align with our values. So if you want to become more self-aware, here's what helps.
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Start paying attention without judging yourself. Just notice. Watch your patterns like an observer.
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Ask yourself, does this behavior reflect the kind of person I want to be? Or, would someone watching me today be able to tell what I care about? I also like to check in at night with a simple question, did my actions today line up with my values? You'd be surprised how much clarity that brings. Let me provide you with a few other examples that illustrate this gap and how we can make a slight shift. You might say you value rest and balance, but then say yes to everything and end up completely overwhelmed.
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I've done this more times than I can count, but I've learned that saying no doesn't make me selfish. It helps me stay grounded and show up better. Rest is part of balance, not a reward for burning out.
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Or maybe you believe in honesty, but you hold back from telling a friend how you feel because you're afraid of hurting them. However, the truth is that avoiding honesty might protect a moment, but it doesn't preserve the relationship. We can be honest and kind at the same time.
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Then there's the one so many of us feel. I value family, but we end up spending more time on our phones than being present. But even a slight shift, like putting your phone down for 10 minutes and giving your full attention says, I'm here.
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You matter. That's alignment. And here's another big one.
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You say you believe in confidence, but then you find yourself staying quiet in meetings or downplaying your skills. I've done that too. Shrinking myself to fit in, but confidence doesn't mean being loud or perfect.
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It means trusting what you believe in and finding the courage to speak up even if it's uncomfortable. The goal here isn't to feel guilty, it's to get curious. Every time we notice a gap between our beliefs and our actions, we have a chance to grow.
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Even the tiniest shift, one thoughtful pause, one honest conversation, one small act of courage can bring us closer to the person we truly want to be. And when we choose to act that way consistently, that's when integrity starts to take root. Integrity isn't just about telling the truth.
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It's about living the truth, even when no one is watching. I'm going to repeat that. Integrity isn't just about telling the truth.
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It's about living the truth, even when no one is watching. I think of integrity as when your actions match your values, even when it's hard. It's not always comfortable, but it's always worth it.
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Your core values are the non-negotiables, the things that matter most to you at your core. They guide your decisions, your relationships, and the way you move through the world. When you're not living in alignment with them, you usually feel off.
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Like something's out of sync, even if you can't explain why. The top three core values most people identify with are honesty, family, and kindness. And honestly, those sound great on paper, but they only become real when we practice them in everyday life.
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Like choosing not to gossip even when it's easy. Or staying present with your kids after a long day instead of zoning out by scrolling on your phone. Here's a simple way to check in with your values.
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Write down three things you say you value, then ask, do my actions show those things? Or just my words? And if they're not quite matching, that's okay. This isn't about guilt. It's about becoming more honest with ourselves and more intentional about how we show up.
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Because when we act in alignment with our values, even in the smallest ways, we start building trust with ourselves. And that's what integrity is really about. Keeping promises to yourself.
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Living like your values matter. Because they do. But what happens when we don't live that way? When our actions go against what we believe deep down? Do you ever feel that icky, uncomfortable feeling? When you do something that just doesn't sit right? That's called cognitive dissonance.
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It's when our actions don't line up with what we believe. Like when you say you want to be healthy, but find yourself skipping workouts and eating junk food. Or you tell your kids not to lie, but then you tell someone you're busy just to avoid a conversation.
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That tension inside? That's your brain and body working together to tell you something's not lining up. When your actions don't match what you believe deep down, your nervous system picks up on it. You might feel anxious, unsettled, irritated, even if you can't explain why.
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That's your brain trying to make sense of the disconnect. It's not a bad thing. It's a helpful signal.
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Like a nudge from within saying, hey, this doesn't feel right. Now you have a choice. Change the action or rethink the belief.
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Either way, the goal is to get back into alignment with your actions and your beliefs so you feel calmer. But here's something we don't always stop to think about. Not all beliefs are ones we consciously choose.
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Some of our beliefs were handed down to us a long time ago. This one is big. Many of us grow up with beliefs passed down from our parents, schools, religions, or cultures.
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Things like, don't speak up unless spoken to, or real men don't cry, or good girls don't argue. We didn't choose those. They were just handed to us.
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But as adults, we get to pause and ask, do I actually believe that? Just because we were taught something doesn't mean we have to hold onto it forever. Maybe you were raised to avoid conflict, but now you believe in having hard conversations. Perhaps you were taught to prioritize everyone else, but now you believe in setting healthy boundaries.
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Growth means updating your beliefs and letting your actions reflect the you you are becoming, not the version of you others have shaped you into. As we grow, the way we live begins to influence the people around us, especially our children who are always watching. This part hits home for me.
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Kids most often don't learn from what we say. They learn from what we do. You can tell them to be respectful all day long, but if they see you yelling, interrupting, or talking down to someone, guess what they'll repeat? Our behavior teaches them what we believe, whether we mean it or not.
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And it's not just about the big lessons. It's in the little moments, such as saying thank you, apologizing when we make a mistake, showing self-control, and taking responsibility. When we model those things, our kids learn them in a way that sticks.
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So the real question is, are we showing our kids the kind of person we hope they'll grow up to be? Here's what I want you to remember. We don't get to choose how others see us. However, we do get to decide how we present ourselves.
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And the truth is, our actions are speaking louder than anything we say. They reveal to people what we believe, what we value, and who we are at our core, even when we're not trying to make a statement. I've talked about the gap between what we say and what we do, about integrity, alignment, and how our daily choices reflect, or contradict, the beliefs we hold.
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We've examined those moments of discomfort when our actions don't align with our values, and how even that feeling is a powerful signal that something needs to change. And we talked about how some of our beliefs aren't even ours. They were handed down to us.
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But the good news? We can choose what to keep and what to let go of. That's growth. That's freedom.
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And if you're a parent, a teacher, or someone who has little eyes watching, your example becomes their blueprint. Your values, your behavior, your choices, they're absorbing it all. Not just the lessons you say, but the ones you live.
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So, here's your invitation of mine too. Let's not just talk about what we believe. Let's live it.
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In the way we show up for others, in how we treat ourselves, and in the small, everyday moments when no one is watching. Because when your actions start lining up with your beliefs, something inside of you shifts. You stop second-guessing yourself.
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You feel clearer, more confident, and more at peace. You're not chasing who you should be, but you're being your authentic self. And that kind of alignment? It's not just powerful.
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It's magnetic. People may not know your whole story, but they'll see it. They'll feel it.
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And they'll remember it. You become an example, an inspiration, and that's the kind of legacy you want to be known for. So, whether you're standing up for yourself, having an honest conversation, or working through a tough moment with someone, remember you're building positive relationships one skill at a time.
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Don't just learn these skills. Live them. That's when the magic happens.
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If this episode has motivated you, hit follow for more life lessons from Lessons for Life with Grandma Kate. And if no one has told you lately, everything will be okay. Tomorrow is a new day, and with it comes new hope.
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There is always time to rewrite your family's story. Break free from patterns that no longer serve you, and create a home filled with love, understanding, and unwavering support. I'm here to guide you every step of the way.
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As I conclude this episode, I must state that this podcast is designed solely for educational and entertainment purposes. While I bring my experience as a parent and grandparent, it's essential that you know I am not a licensed therapist. This podcast is not a substitute for professional advice from a physician, professional coach, psychotherapist, or other qualified professional.
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Got it? Awesome! Until next time, what is one thing you are grateful for?
(Transcribed by TurboScribe.ai. Go Unlimited to remove this message.)
