(Transcribed by TurboScribe.ai. Go Unlimited to remove this message.)
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Have you ever walked away from a conversation feeling off, but you couldn't quite explain why? You had a funny feeling inside of you that you couldn't put into words. You thought, was that rude or am I just too sensitive? That used to be me. I knew something didn't feel right, but I didn't have the language to name what was happening.
So I let it slide. I brushed it off. I told myself it wasn't a big deal, or that speaking up would just start a fight.
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But here's what I've learned since then. There are words for why I felt the way I did. It was because someone was being rude, dismissive, or disrespectful.
My emotions were a reaction to someone else's behaviors. And when those behaviors become patterns, they tell you something much deeper. What a person values, how they handle conflict, and how they truly see you.
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The problem is, most of us were never taught the language to describe those behaviors. We were told to be the bigger person, don't overreact, or just let it go. So how do we start learning about how we are being treated? We start by paying attention and reflecting on what just happened to us.
And then we learn to name a person's behavior out loud, clearly, and calmly. This episode is about giving you the words for the behaviors I wish I had learned years ago. Because once you can name a behavior, you can set a boundary.
And once you can set a boundary, everything in your relationships and life starts to change. So today, I'm calling out five sneaky behaviors that often show up at home, especially in everyday interactions with your kids. These are the moments that make you stop and think, wait, was that okay? A rolled eye here, a sarcastic comment there, or a quiet refusal to follow through.
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All small things that can leave you feeling dismissed, disrespected, or even manipulated. I'll walk you through each behavior, give you the words to name it calmly, and show you how to respond in a way that teaches respect without yelling, guilt tripping, or second-guessing yourself. Welcome to the Lessons for Life with Grandma Kay podcast.
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Each week, I share stories, reflections, and gentle guidance to help you navigate life's relationships, especially the ones that start with yourself. I'll discuss topics such as learning to say no when something doesn't feel right, finding your voice, and working through everyday conflicts with kindness and courage. These aren't just skills, they're the building blocks of self-esteem and can help you live with more clarity, confidence, and heart.
New episodes drop every Thursday, so hit that subscribe button and join me on this journey. And hey, if something here speaks to you, leaving a quick review helps others to find it. Like a lighthouse steady and strong, let's shine a little brighter today.
So let's start with one of the most common behaviors that can quietly chip away at your patience and peace, disrespect. First, what is disrespect? It is treating someone or their time, feelings, or belongings as unimportant. Here's an example you might experience with your child.
You ask them to put their dirty dishes in the dishwasher. They sigh loudly, roll their eyes, and say, fine, I will. Just let me go to the bathroom first.
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An hour later, the dishes are still on the counter and they've gone off to play video games. Here's what you can say to them. That felt disrespectful.
I gave a simple request and when you rolled your eyes and didn't follow through, it made me feel like what I asked didn't matter. By saying this out loud, it helps you stay calm and grounded. You're not yelling or blaming.
You're simply naming the impact. This teaches your kids that disrespect isn't just about harsh words. It's also about tone, follow through, and attitude.
Naming the behavior helps them understand how their actions affect others, which is key to building emotional maturity. And second, dismissiveness. Dismissiveness is brushing off someone's feelings or requests, making them feel like they don't matter.
Here's an example. Your child gets home from school and you ask how their day was. You're genuinely trying to connect, but instead of answering, they shrug, mumble, fine, and walk away without looking at you.
No explanation, no interest, just disconnection. At first, you tell yourself not to overthink it. But the truth is, it stings.
You were trying to show you care and they treated it like it didn't matter. So here's what you can say to that. When I ask about your day and you walk away without answering, that feels dismissive.
I was trying to connect and it felt like you didn't care. So instead of you stewing in silence or snapping later, you're being clear about what hurt and why. You're not demanding a full conversation, you're just naming how it felt.
And to your kids, they often don't realize that brushing someone off sends a message. So you're teaching them that even small moments like eye contact or a simple answer can show care and respect. And number three, controlling behavior.
What is controlling behavior? It is trying to manage or pressure someone else's choices or actions. Here is an example where your child's best friend is planning a party and you hear your child say to their friend, if you invite so-and-so, I'm not coming. It might sound like a strong opinion, but it's really about control and using peer pressure or exclusion to get their way.
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So you might tell your child, telling someone who they can or can't invite is controlling. You're allowed to have feelings, but you don't get to make decisions for other people or force them to choose sides. This helps by you stepping in before this becomes a habit.
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You're making it clear that controlling others, even if it's subtle, isn't part of a healthy friendship or relationship. This teaches kids the difference between expressing feelings and using pressure to get what they want. They start to learn that real friendship allows space for differences, not power plays.
And what about four, insults, sarcastic or belittling comments, whether said as a joke or directly to someone's face. You overhear your child say to a friend, are you really going to eat all that? No wonder you can't keep up in gym class. Your child laughs, but the other kid goes quiet and you can feel the shame in the silence.
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The comment wasn't framed like a joke. It was meant to embarrass. So to help your child, you can say, I overheard what you said to your friend.
And that came across as an insult. Even if you were joking, it was hurtful. And we don't talk to people that way.
By doing this, you're showing your child that you take this seriously and that words can damage relationships. Even when said with a laugh, kids and teens often don't fully grasp the emotional weight of their words. By naming the behavior calmly, you're teaching them empathy, accountability, and how to communicate with kindness, not cruelty disguised as humor.
And number five, passive aggression, which is indirect anger or resentment disguised as sarcasm, guilt tripping or withdrawal, such as the silent treatment. Maybe your child is upset that you didn't let them stay up late. The next morning, they won't look at you, won't answer your questions and give you one word replies like fine or whatever.
They're clearly angry, but instead of talking about it, they shut down and stay cold all day. It's not an argument, but their message to you is loud and clear. You upset me and now I'm punishing you with my silence.
You can help your child understand what they're doing by saying, I can tell you're upset, but giving me the silent treatment isn't okay. If something's bothering you, I'm open to talking about it, but not being ignored. This helps because you're not chasing them down for approval or trying to force a conversation.
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You're calmly setting a boundary and refusing to be manipulated by silence. This helps your child because the silent treatment is often used when kids don't know how to express anger. By naming it, you help them learn that withdrawing doesn't solve the problem and that respectful communication is always the goal.
So what does people's actions actually say about them? People's actions reveal who they really are, what they value, how they deal with discomfort, and how they see you and the relationship. Words can be empty, but actions leave a trail. If someone is consistently insulting, dismissive, or disrespectful, that's not a one-time slip.
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It becomes a pattern. And patterns speak louder than any apology or excuse. But what does it say about us if we keep allowing it? That is the part that stings.
When we keep tolerating hurtful behavior, it's not just about them. It starts to be about us. Maybe we're afraid of conflict.
Maybe we were taught to keep the peace at all costs. Maybe we're doubting our self-worth. But here's the truth.
Silence doesn't protect your peace. It protects their pattern. And one day, you stop asking, why do they treat me like this? And start asking, why do I keep letting them? That question isn't shame.
It's your rude awakening. When we don't stand up for ourselves, we slowly start building resentment. We carry around quiet anger, even if we never say a word.
We replay conversations in our heads, thinking of what we wish we had said. We smile in the moment to keep the peace. But underneath, we're seething.
Over time, that unspoken hurt doesn't just sit there quietly. It starts changing us. We become more guarded.
We get snappy, even with people who haven't done anything wrong. We pull back from connection. We stop trusting people.
And we stop trusting ourselves. And at some point, we look in the mirror and wonder, what happened to me? The answer, more often than not, is this. We stayed silent for too long.
And the worst part, we start to feel ashamed. Not just because someone mistreated us, but because we didn't speak up. We tell ourselves we're being kind or taking the high road by staying quiet.
But deep down, we know it's not really kindness. It is just a habit of avoiding conflict we slipped into without realizing. And it's okay.
You're doing your best with what you know. Now you know more. And now, you can choose differently.
One of the hardest questions we face is how many chances do you give someone before you draw the line? There's no perfect number. But there are patterns to watch out for. The first time someone crosses a line, it could be a mistake.
Maybe they were distracted or didn't realize how their behavior landed. But even then, it's okay to let the other person know how you felt. The second time might be a blind spot.
They may still not see how their actions affect others. Naming it again gives them a chance to take responsibility and not hide behind excuses. By the third time, it starts looking less like a misunderstanding and more like a pattern.
And patterns matter. And if it keeps happening after that, it becomes a choice. Theirs to keep doing it and yours to keep accepting it.
That doesn't make you weak. It makes you human. Maybe you were trying to give the benefit of the doubt.
If you're always explaining away their behavior or carrying the weight of the relationship, it may be time to ask yourself, what am I allowing and why? That ominous moment could be your turning point. Because enough is a number. It's a feeling.
And when your piece keeps getting chipped away, that feeling is your signal. It's time to pay attention. And when you start standing up for yourself, oh, people will notice and not everyone will like it.
Especially if you spend a long time being the peacemaker, the quiet one, or the person who always lets things go. The ones who benefited from your silence will push back the hardest. They will start calling you difficult, dramatic, or cold.
They will accuse you of overreacting or trying to make you feel guilty for changing the way you respond. But that's not a sign that you're doing something wrong. It's a sign that you're finally doing something different.
You're no longer playing a role that kept others comfortable while you stayed uncomfortable. Now you're choosing to speak up when something isn't okay and draw the line where it used to be crossed again and again. And here's the truth.
When you stop tolerating mistreatment, it's not a betrayal of who you are. It's actually the clearest and strongest expression of your character. You're still kind.
You're still compassionate. But now you're self-respecting too. Standing up for yourself by setting boundaries doesn't make you selfish.
It makes you strong. You matter. Your voice matters.
And your boundaries matter, even if other people don't like them. You're allowed to grow. You're allowed to change.
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You're allowed to say, that used to be okay with me, but it's not anymore. And when someone pushes back, take a breath and remember that discomfort doesn't mean you're wrong. It means you're reclaiming your space and your self-worth.
So remember this. When you name someone's behavior, you're not being dramatic. You're being clear.
You're not starting a fight. You're standing in your truth. And the more you practice naming what doesn't feel right, the less power those behaviors have over you.
You don't have to fix people. You don't have to convince them. You just have to recognize what's happening and decide what you're willing to allow.
And if you've been letting things slide for a long time, don't beat yourself up. You were doing your best with the tools you had. But now you have new ones.
You have language. You have awareness. And most importantly, you have permission to use your voice.
This is your turning point. This is your rude awakening. And it's also your path to better relationships and a better life.
Whether you're standing up for yourself, having an ominous conversation, or working through a tough moment with someone, remember you're building positive relationships one skill at a time. Don't just learn these skills. Live them.
That's when the magic happens. If this episode has motivated you, hit follow for more life lessons from Lessons for Life with Grandma Kate. And if no one has told you lately, everything's going to be okay.
Tomorrow is a new day, and with it comes new hope. There is always time to rewrite your family story. Break free from patterns that no longer serve you, and create a home filled with love, understanding, and unwavering support.
I'm here to guide you every step of the way. As I conclude this episode, I must state that this podcast is designed solely for educational and entertainment purposes. While I bring my experience as a parent and grandparent, it's essential that you know I am not a licensed therapist.
This podcast is not a substitute for professional advice from a physician, professional coach, psychotherapist, or other qualified professional. Got it? Awesome. Until next time, what is one thing you are grateful for?
(Transcribed by TurboScribe.ai. Go Unlimited to remove this message.)
