(Transcribed by TurboScribe.ai. Go Unlimited to remove this message.)
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I have a question for you. What matters more? What someone says to you or what they do? For a long time I would have said words. What people said to me really mattered.
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I believe that if someone told me they cared, that they meant it. If they promised something, they'd follow through. I used to think, why would someone lie? Why would anyone need to lie to me? I wore those Pollyanna glasses for most of my life.
I believed the best in everyone. And boy, did I get caught more than once trusting what someone said instead of watching what they did. I just assumed people were like me, genuine and trustworthy.
Someone even said to me recently, if you can't trust grandma Kate, who can you trust? That really stuck with me because I try to live with honesty. I try to mean what I say. So I figured most people did too.
But lately I've learned the hard truth. Some people lie outright, boldly and repeatedly. And what's worse, they lie with a smile, with soft words, with all the right phrases.
But here's the kicker, their actions, they tell a different story. And when that happens, when someone you care about says one thing, but does another over and over, it's like a stab to the heart. That sharp sinking feeling of wait, I thought I could trust you.
It takes your breath away. It shakes your foundation because it's not just about what they did. It's about what it meant.
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And that's betrayal. And the consequences of that kind of betrayal run deep. It doesn't just break your trust in them.
It can make you question your own judgment, your worth, even your ability to know what's real. So today I'm exploring which matters more words, actions, or both. And more importantly, and how do we heal when someone's actions keep breaking the promises their words make.
Welcome to the Lessons for Life with Grandma Kate podcast. Each week I share stories, reflections and gentle guidance to help you navigate life's relationships, especially the ones that start with yourself. I'll discuss topics such as learning to say no when something doesn't feel right, finding your voice, and working through everyday conflicts with kindness and courage.
These aren't just skills. They're the building blocks of self-esteem and can help you live with more clarity, confidence, and heart. New episodes drop every Thursday, so hit that subscribe button and join me on this journey.
And hey, if something here speaks to you, leaving a quick review helps others find it too. Like a lighthouse steady and strong, let's shine a little brighter today. You've probably heard the saying, actions speak louder than words.
My mom used to say that to me all the time when I was growing up. She'd pull it out when what I was saying didn't match what I was doing. And she was right.
Words matter, but it's when words and action match that trust starts to grow. As parents, our words matter more in those early years because infants aren't able to see or understand what our actions mean. They're listening closely to what we say and they feel the energy behind it.
They hear the tone in our voice. They watch our faces. They know when we're really there with them and when we're somewhere else in our heads or staring at our phones instead of looking into their eyes.
And that matters more than we often realize. As kids get older, they start to notice when things don't line up. They pick up on the cracks between what we say and what we actually do.
And boy, do they remember. They remember the promises we didn't keep. That's when actions start to matter even more than words.
And it doesn't stop in childhood. In adult relationships, it's the same. If someone keeps saying to you, I'm sorry, but nothing ever changes, those words lose all meaning.
And I think that's when the real damage begins. When what's being said and what's really happening don't line up. That disconnect pulls us apart inside.
And when that gap between words and actions becomes a pattern, especially with someone we are close to, it crosses a line. It stops being just frustrating and starts feeling like betrayal. Betrayal isn't just about hurt feelings.
It's not just about being disappointed or let down. Betrayal is a deep emotional wound that your body feels. To me, betrayal is when someone breaks your trust in a way that feels personal and intimate.
It's not just about the action they took. It's about how that action made you question everything you thought was safe and true. You trusted them.
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You believed in them. And then suddenly, the ground under your feet shifts. Betrayal doesn't always come with yelling or big drama.
Sometimes it comes with silence, fake apologies, and those soft words that sound perfect but lead nowhere. That's why it's so confusing. You feel something's off, but they keep saying all the right things.
And deep down, you start to wonder, hey, am I overreacting? You're not. You're finally realizing that their actions do not match their words. The effects of betrayal on the brain are very real.
When we feel betrayed, especially when it happens repeatedly, our brain goes into survival mode. We produce more cortisol, the stress hormone. Our nervous system becomes stuck in fight, flight, or freeze mode.
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We can't think clearly. We may stop sleeping well. We question our own judgment.
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And sometimes, we stop trusting not just the person who hurt us, but we stop trusting ourselves. And that's not your fault. That's your body doing what it's designed to do, protect you.
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It's saying, ouch, that hurt. Let's make sure that doesn't happen again. And sometimes, betrayal comes from within.
The part that's hardest to admit is when we betray ourselves. We betray ourselves when we ignore red flags because we don't want to deal with conflict. We say yes when we desperately want to say no.
We make excuses for people who keep hurting us. We go silent when we know we need to speak up. Over time, we chip away at our own self-trust.
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We stop believing in our own voice, and rebuilding that takes work. But it's possible. We can't always control who betrays us, but we can choose to stop betraying ourselves.
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We heal by becoming someone we can count on again. By keeping our own promises. By saying what we mean and following through.
By treating ourselves with the same respect we spent years begging from others. Even if we're still in the middle of a toxic relationship, or still recovering from one, we can begin to heal by coming back into alignment, step by step. Now let's get real about toxic relationships.
You may not even realize you're in one until you feel like a shell of yourself. Sometimes, it's just a feeling that something's off. You feel anxious, confused, like you're walking on eggshells.
But you can't point to one big thing. That's because the toxicity shows up in little patterns that wear you down over time. It might look like someone saying they'll change, but nothing actually shifts.
They say they'll be there, but never follow through. They twist things around so everything feels like it's your fault. They give you just enough to keep you holding on, but not enough to feel truly safe or valued.
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Here's the part that's hard to admit, but also freeing. Sometimes we stay stuck in those relationships because we're unknowingly participating in the cycle. We apologize even when we're not wrong.
We shrink to avoid conflict. We focus on fixing them instead of protecting our peace. We keep hoping they'll change if we just try a little harder.
But if nothing changes, nothing changes. Healing starts when you stop reacting to their patterns and start responding to your truth. That means no longer explaining yourself over and over again.
It means choosing to pause rather than snap. It means speaking up with clarity instead of remaining quiet to maintain peace. It means saying no without guilt because you know you're worth protecting.
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It also means taking your energy back from trying to change them instead asking yourself, what do I need right now? What would feel kind to me in this moment? Because even if they don't change, you can. When you choose a new response, when you show up differently, when you stop playing the same role, you begin to break the pattern. You stop feeding the cycle and that's healing starts to take hold.
Healing isn't always about leaving. Sometimes it ends. Sometimes it transforms.
But no matter what, healing is about living differently, choosing peace, choosing truth, choosing yourself. It doesn't come all at once. It happens in the little choices you make differently now.
One quiet act of self-respect at a time. Healing looks like no longer trying to win the argument. You don't need to prove your worth anymore.
You don't need to defend your boundaries over and over. You just live them. It looks like saying no thank you without needing to explain.
It's walking away from drama without guilt. It's saying I won't be part of that conversation and standing by it, not with anger, but with calm self-respect. Healing actions also manifest in how we speak to ourselves.
When we stop blaming ourselves for what someone else did. When we talk to ourselves about the way we wish someone had spoken to us. When we say you did your best or you didn't deserve that or you're allowed to rest now and slowly you stop chasing love.
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You start becoming it in how you talk, in how you move through your day, in how you care for your own body, your time, and your energy. These are healing actions. They send a message to your nervous system that says it's safe now.
We're not in survival anymore. And from that place of safety and self-trust, everything starts to shift. You become the proof that healing is possible.
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Here's what I want to leave you with. Healing is never about changing someone else. That's not our job.
Our work is to change how we show up. Even if they never change, even if they don't understand, it's about choosing a different way of being. And here's the beautiful part.
When you stop playing the same role in the same old pattern, people notice. They might not say it out loud, but they feel it. Some will lean in.
Some will back away. Some will test your limits even harder. And once in a while, someone will change.
Not because you made them, but because you stopped feeding the cycle. Sometimes healing the relationships means healing your role in it, even if the relationship doesn't survive. And that's where the real work is.
It takes courage to say, I'm not going to betray myself just to keep the peace. But when you do, that's where alignment begins. When your words and actions finally match, you start to feel whole again.
You stop needing other people's approval. You stop second-guessing your value. You trust yourself.
Your words still matter, but your actions, they show the world who you've become. And even more importantly, they show you. So wherever you are right now, still in it, just coming out of it or rebuilding from the ground up, remember, your healing doesn't depend on their change.
It begins with your alignment. And that's where your peace lives. Whether you're standing up for yourself, having an honest conversation, or working through a tough moment with someone.
Remember, you're building positive relationships, one skill at a time. Don't just learn these skills, live them. That's when the magic happens.
If this episode has motivated you, hit follow for more life lessons from Lessons for Life with Grandma Kate. And if no one has told you lately, everything will be okay. Tomorrow is a new day and with it comes new hope.
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There is always time to rewrite your family story. Break free from patterns that no longer serve you and create a home filled with love, understanding, and unwavering support. I'm here to guide you every step of the way.
As I conclude this episode, I must state that this podcast is designed solely for educational and entertainment purposes. While I bring my experience as a parent and grandparent, it's essential that you know, I am not a licensed therapist. This podcast is not a substitute for professional advice from a physician, professional coach, psychotherapist, or other qualified professional.
Got it? Awesome. Until next time, what is one thing you are grateful for?
(Transcribed by TurboScribe.ai. Go Unlimited to remove this message.)
