(Transcribed by TurboScribe.ai. Go Unlimited to remove this message.)
(0:00 - 2:09)
You care deeply about your child. If they come home crying, telling you someone was teasing them, excluding them, or making them feel small, your heart would ache. You'd want to fix it, protect them, help them feel safe again.
But let me ask you something, not as a challenge, but as a quiet reflection. Have you ever felt small, dismissed, or disrespected yourself, but brushed it off? Say at work, in your family, in friendships? You may not call it bullying. Most adults don't.
Instead, we call it stress, or just how that person is. We tell ourselves, I'm overreacting, and we stay quiet, keep the peace, and move on. But what if your silence is showing your child how to do the same? I'm not here to shame you about your parenting style, but to offer something else.
Awareness. When you notice the patterns in your own life, you open the door to teaching your child how to protect themselves in theirs. This is the Lessons for Life with Grandma Kate podcast.
Each week, I explore my three pillars for positive relationships. They are setting boundaries, speaking assertively, and resolving conflicts. These pillars help you build self-esteem so you can step into your power and live life on your terms.
New episodes drop every Thursday, so hit that subscribe button and let's grow together. And if you're loving the podcast, a quick review helps more people find it. Like a lighthouse, steady and strong, let's shine a little brighter today.
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Conflict doesn't always look like yelling or slamming doors. Sometimes it's more subtle, a lingering sense of discomfort, a quiet knot in your stomach, a relationship that leaves you second-guessing yourself. We often think of bullying as something that happens in school hallways, but it doesn't disappear with age.
It just changes form. Some red flags are like flashing warning lights. You can't miss them.
Others are more like dimming streetlights. The change is so gradual you hardly notice until you're standing in the dark. These signs show up in everyday work interactions and are easy to dismiss until they start affecting your peace of mind and what your child is learning by watching you.
Here are seven sneaky red flags you may be missing at work or in your relationships. Your boss uses a dismissive tone and constantly sighs when you speak. One sneaky red flag is how your boss responds to you in meetings.
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If they frequently avoid eye contact, interrupt you mid-sentence, or sigh loudly when you offer input, it can leave you feeling like a burden just for speaking up. Internally, you need to remind yourself, I deserve to be heard when I speak without feeling small or dismissed. A respectful assertive response in the moment might sound like, I'd appreciate having the time to finish my thoughts and meetings.
It helps me feel like I'm contributing to the team. Another red flag can come from a co-worker who disguises criticism as humor. If someone regularly makes comments like, well, I guess we can't all be quick learners, or you're the slow and steady one, while nudging others to laugh is more than just a joke.
It's a pattern that undermines your credibility. You can set a personal boundary by thinking, I will not allow sarcasm or jokes to devalue my intelligence or work. In response, you can say, comments like that feel undermining.
I like us to keep things respectful, even when joking around. Sometimes red flags come from clients. If a client expects you to respond to emails after hours and becomes frustrated when you don't, that's a boundary being pushed.
You may begin to feel guilty for protecting your time. A helpful internal reminder is, my personal time matters. I do not need to be available 24-7 to be professional.
And then you can respond to your client by saying, I check emails during business hours. If something is urgent, I'm happy to schedule a time to discuss it first thing. If the client continues to push, even after you've set your boundary, it may be time to reinforce it more clearly.
Then you can say, I understand your urgency, but I'm committed to maintaining healthy work hours to ensure I can give my best during the day. I'll review and respond during business hours as planned. Remember, setting boundaries isn't rude.
It's respectful to you and the relationship. You might also notice red flags when you bring up concerns and hearing dismissive responses like, you're too sensitive or you're taking it the wrong way. Dismissive responses can be especially harmful from a supervisor as they teach you to suppress your instincts.
Internally affirm, my emotions and perspective are valid. I have the right to raise concerns without being dismissed. Then you can respond to your supervisor by saying, I'm not being sensitive.
I'm asking to be heard. My perspective matters and I'd appreciate your support in discussing this. Another red flag is receiving vague or overly broad criticism, like being told to step up or do better, without specific guidance on what's expected.
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When feedback feels personal rather than constructive, it can leave you feeling confused and insecure. In moments like this, remind yourself, I have the right to understand expectations and receive feedback that helps me grow, not make me feel inadequate. You could respond by saying, could you clarify what you'd like me to improve? Specific examples would help me do my best work.
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Another red flag is being left out of important meetings or conversations about work that involve you. It might not seem like a big deal initially, but it can make you feel like your ideas don't matter. It can also make your job harder because you lack all the necessary information.
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You might start to doubt or think it's better not to say anything. In moments like this, remind yourself, I deserve to be included when decisions are made about my work. Then you can say, I noticed I wasn't included in the last meeting about this project.
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I'd like to be part of those conversations next time. And if they keep leaving you out after you've asked to be included, that's another red flag. It shows they are not respecting your voice or your role.
At that point, you might say, I've mentioned this before and it's still happening. It's important that I'm included so I can do my part well. If the pattern continues, it may be time to speak to someone you trust like a manager or HR who can help ensure that you are treated fairly.
And lastly, another sneaky red flag is passive aggressive behavior. Like a coworker who agrees to help, but forgets or makes comments like, well, I didn't know it was that important. Over time, this behavior chips away at trust.
You may start to feel like the problem is you, not them. Remind yourself, I deserve direct and respectful communication. You could say, I've noticed a pattern where we agree on something, but the follow through doesn't happen.
Can we talk about how to make sure we're on the same page moving forward? Without boundaries, conflict repeats. I'm going to say that again. Without boundaries, conflict repeats.
And the same uncomfortable dynamics show up in new places over and over again. But with boundaries, you shift the pattern and teach your child to do the same. Even when we recognize the signs and know something doesn't feel right, speaking up isn't always easy.
In fact, most of us have been trained to stay silent. If you've ever walked away from a meeting or conversation knowing something felt wrong, but said nothing, you're not alone. There's a reason many of us spot red flags, but stay quiet.
It's not weakness. It's not a character flaw. It's learned survival.
Maybe you're afraid you'll lose your job or be seen as difficult. Perhaps you've tried to speak up and it backfired. Or maybe no one ever taught you how to have hard conversations, only how to avoid them.
If you were raised to be nice, get along, or not rock the boat, chances are you've carried that script into adulthood, straight into your work and other relationships. There are so many reasons we stay silent. Fear of losing income or job security.
Fear of being judged, excluded or punished. Fear of confrontation or of making things worse. Guilt about hurting someone's feelings.
Not knowing how to speak up without sounding rude, or believing it's not that bad, and others have it worse. The truth is, our silence often comes from a place of fear, not failure. But silence isn't neutral.
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It teaches others how to treat us, and whether we realize it or not, it teaches our kids how to treat themselves. Fear doesn't vanish just because you realize something's wrong. But you can learn to speak up, even with fear sitting beside you.
Start small. Choose one sneaky red flag and ask yourself, what am I afraid of will happen if I say something? Then ask yourself, what's already happening because I haven't? Over time, the pain of staying silent often becomes louder than the fear of speaking up. That quiet tug in your gut, that sense that something just isn't right, isn't something to ignore.
To move through fear, name it. Say it out loud to yourself. Write it in a journal, or talk it through with someone you trust.
When you name it, it loses some of its power. Next, prepare. Script your words ahead of time so you're not caught off guard.
A simple sentence like, I want to bring something up that's on my mind, can open the door without confrontation. You don't have to start with the most challenging conversation. Begin with low-stake situations, moments where the risk is low, but the opportunity to practice is high.
These small choices build your confidence over time. Use grounding thoughts to steady yourself beforehand, like, it's okay for me to be uncomfortable. I'm safe.
Or, I can be kind and still be clear. Visualize success, not perfection. And when your voice wavers, remember who's watching.
Your child. Your inner child. Your future self.
Each of them needs to see your courage in action. Because courage isn't always loud. It's often quiet, steady, and shaky at first.
But you reclaim your power every time you choose to speak, even if it's just one sentence. And when you do, you're not changing your work relationships. You're changing the message you send to yourself and your child.
A powerful first step in shifting your mindset is noticing the patterns. You may not have grown up with tools like boundary setting or assertive communication. You may have been taught to be polite, avoid conflict, and keep the peace at any cost.
If you've stayed silent or tolerated too much, ask yourself, where in my life do I feel drained, disrespected, or anxious? What kind of behavior am I bottling for my child? What's one small boundary I could set this week to protect my peace? You don't have to overhaul everything overnight. You just have to take the next right step. Think of it like turning a ship.
To shift your mindset, you notice the trigger, set a boundary, and have the courage to speak up assertively. It doesn't happen in a single moment, but the entire course shifts with every minor adjustment. Because when you start noticing those sneaky red flags and responding calmly, you shift the tone of your relationships.
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You reclaim your inner peace. And most importantly, you model something powerful. What it looks like to honor yourself, even when it's hard.
And here's something else to hold on to. Your future self will thank you. The version of you 5, 10, 20 years from now.
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The one who wants to look back on life with peace, not regret. She's cheering you on. You won't regret speaking up with kindness.
You won't regret setting healthy boundaries. You won't regret showing your child how to live with integrity and courage. The cycle of poor treatment doesn't end because someone else changes.
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It ends because you chose to end it. Don't just learn these skills. Live them.
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That's when the magic happens. If this episode has motivated you, hit follow for more lessons from Lessons for Life with Grandma Kate. And if no one has told you lately, everything is going to be okay.
Tomorrow is a new day, and with it comes new hope. There is always time to rewrite your family story. Break free from patterns that no longer serve you and create a home filled with love, understanding, and unwavering support.
I'm here to guide you every step of the way. As I conclude this episode, I must state that this podcast is designed solely for educational and entertainment purposes. While I bring my experience as a parent and grandparent, it's essential that you know I am not a licensed therapist.
This podcast is not a substitute for professional advice from a physician, professional coach, psychotherapist, or other qualified professional. Got it? Awesome. Until next time, what is one thing you are grateful for?
(Transcribed by TurboScribe.ai. Go Unlimited to remove this message.)
