(Transcribed by TurboScribe.ai. Go Unlimited to remove this message.)
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What I'm about to say might make you uncomfortable, and that's okay. Sometimes we need a little discomfort to wake us up, because if you want your child to grow up happy, healthy, and still close to you, you must start by looking up. This is the Lessons for Life with Grandma Kay podcast.
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Each week I explore my three pillars for positive relationships, setting boundaries, speaking assertively, and resolving conflicts. These pillars help you build self-esteem so you can step into your power and live life on your terms. New episodes drop every Thursday, so hit that subscribe button and let's grow together.
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And if you're loving the podcast, a quick review helps more people find it. Like a lighthouse steady and strong, let's shine a little brighter today. Do you ever look around your home and realize no one's present? Your kids are on screens, your partner's scrolling, and maybe so are you.
I get it. Life is stressful. But if we're not careful, screen time apps will start doing the parenting while we're sitting right beside our kids.
Like many of us, I grew up without a smartphone. But now we're setting the example. We scroll at stoplights, check messages at dinner, and answer emails in the middle of conversations.
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And the impact of this adult behavior is being noticed. Loud and clear. Here's an example.
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I was talking to my daughter the other day about this very topic. We were at a school event when one of the grade one kids I know walked past me. I said hi, but she didn't hear me.
My daughter quickly pointed out the phone in her hand that she was looking at. But I noticed her mom walking just ahead of her. And the child was holding the phone the same way as her mom.
It hit me in that moment. The mom wasn't just carrying a device. She was carrying a life lesson.
Our kids don't just hear what we say. They mirror what we do. And the truth is, most of us don't even realize we're teaching them.
That moment stayed with me, not just because it was eye-opening, but because it perfectly reflects what science now tells us. Our everyday interactions shape how a child's brain develops. Dr. Jean Clinton says it best in her book, Love Builds Brains.
Kids need face time, not screen time, especially in those early years when their brains are wiring for life. If they don't get connection, comfort, and conversation, they struggle later with learning, emotions, and self-worth. I see it in the classroom all the time when I volunteer reading with students in grades 1 to 3. Over the past 10 years, something else has changed too.
Real play and face-to-face time have dropped sharply. Kids used to ride their bikes, build forts, play tag, and spend time with friends after school. That kind of play isn't just for fun.
It helps kids learn how to take turns, handle big feelings, and solve problems with others. Without it, they miss out on essential life skills. Now, more and more time is spent indoors, often alone in front of a screen.
Jonathan Haidt, author and social psychologist, calls this a rewiring of childhood. And it's not just a catchy phrase. It's a warning.
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When the way children grow, learn, and connect changes this much, we can't ignore it. Jonathan Haidt's research in The Anxious Generation shows something that many of us feel in our gut. Too much screen time, especially on social media, is making our kids more anxious, more lonely, and more likely to struggle with depression.
Instead of building friendships face-to-face, many children spend hours watching short videos or comparing themselves to others online. They are pressured to look perfect, be liked, and fit in. But they're not getting the real-life support and connection that helps them feel safe, loved, and confident.
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Because of this shift in how kids spend their time, many are missing out on learning the emotional and social skills they need to thrive, not just at home, but in school and with friends. These aren't skills they can pick up from screen time. They must practice them through real interaction, like talking, listening, playing, arguing, and making up.
But more and more children are entering school without knowing how to take turns in a game or wait patiently for their turn to speak. Teachers and early childhood educators are seeing this daily. It's not just about manners.
It's about learning empathy, self-control, and handling those big feelings when things don't go your way. But here's the good news. You don't need to be perfect.
You just need to be present. If our children only see us distracted and disconnected, how can they learn to be emotionally present themselves? They need our guidance, our presence, and stories to help them build the inner tools that screens can never teach. I'm not saying we throw all our phones in the lake, but we must think about how we show up for ourselves and the kids watching us.
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Parenting isn't about being perfect. It is about being present. And I know these words can feel impossible when you're pulled in a dozen directions daily.
You aren't ignoring your kids on purpose. You might be checking work emails, texting your ex back, answering to your boss, or trying to hold your household together with one hand while stirring the spaghetti sauce with the other. And when you do finally sit down, scrolling through a phone might be the only moment of quiet you've had all day.
But even in the middle of that storm, there's still space for something better. Not bigger, not louder, just better. You don't need an hour of silence or a perfect bedtime routine.
You need one minute where your phone is down, your eyes are up, and your child sees you seeing them. Imagine the difference if you traded screen time for FaceTime with your child. The truth is, kids aren't looking for perfection.
They're looking for connection. They want to feel heard. They want to know they matter.
That's not about grand gestures. It's about little things done consistently. And yes, screen time becomes the trigger for a fight.
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Your child refuses to turn off their tablet, your teen scrolls through dinner, and your partner checks out during a conversation. These are the real moments where disconnection creeps in. But instead of reacting with frustration or blame, try pausing.
Take a breath. Say what you need, not what you're angry about. You can say, I miss talking to you at dinner.
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Can we put our phones away for this meal? Or, it's hard to connect when we're both distracted. Can we chat for 10 minutes without screens? These are not accusations. They're invitations.
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They leave room for others to respond rather than defend. You might be surprised how quickly the energy shifts when you lead with honesty instead of blame. And if your kids do argue, which they will, you're still the adult.
But here's the part we don't talk about enough. When you're tired, stressed, and stretched thin, it's tempting to give in to avoid a meltdown. Kids sense that.
Oh, they push. Not because they're bad, but because they're wired to test boundaries. They want to see where the line is and whether it will hold.
That's how they learn what's safe and negotiable and how much they can rely on the adults around them. So here's the key. Take the pressure off yourself to fix it in the heat of the moment.
You can calmly say to them, I hear that you're upset, but I'm not changing the plan. We can talk about it when we're both calm. That one line does three important things.
It sets the boundary, acknowledges their emotions, and gives you space to stay steady. You're not giving in and you're not escalating. You're leading.
And over time, your child learns that limits are there to guide them, not punish them, and that you can be counted on to mean what you say. Sometimes you might need to walk away, but the key is to return to the conversation and find a mutual agreement. We also have to be honest about our habits.
It's hard to ask kids to be present when we're constantly distracted ourselves. Maybe it starts with something small, phones off during dinner, or devices charging in the kitchen overnight instead of by the bed. Giving your child a daily chore, even something simple like setting the table or folding towels, is another powerful way to make a shift.
Research shows a strong link between kids who do chores and higher self-esteem. Why? Because they feel needed, trusted, and capable. It's a win-win.
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You get help around the house and kids learn life skills while feeling proud of their accomplishments. These small habits send a stronger message than any lecture. People matter more than screen time, and being part of a family means showing up for each other.
And if your child rolls their eyes, again, that's okay. They're still absorbing the lesson, and they'll remember you were willing to pause the world for them. I know the pressure you're under, the bills, the work stress, the co-parenting challenges.
The exhaustion doesn't seem to go away, but I also know that presence doesn't require perfection. It just requires intention. A question asked with genuine curiosity, a warm hug before bed.
These things restore connection when the world feels out of reach. We can't change everything overnight, but we can reclaim one minute at a time. We can notice the triggers and choose to respond differently.
We can guide our children and ourselves back to what matters, relationships, connections, and inner peace. So if today was full of stress and noise, and your kids were glued to their screens, yes, snapped more than you wanted to, tomorrow is a new chance not to be perfect, but to be present. Whether you're setting a new boundary, speaking assertively, or resolving a conflict, remember you're building positive relationships one skill at a time.
Don't just learn these skills, live them. That's when the magic happens. If this episode has motivated you, hit follow for more life lessons from Lessons for Life with Grandma Kate.
And if no one has told you lately, everything will be okay. Tomorrow is a new day and with it comes new hope. There is always time to rewrite your family story.
Break free from patterns that no longer serve you and create a home filled with love, understanding, and unwavering support. I'm here to guide you every step of the way. As I conclude this episode, I must state that this podcast is designed solely for educational and entertainment purposes.
While I bring my experience as a parent and grandparent, it's essential that you know I am not a licensed therapist. This podcast is not a substitute for professional advice from a physician, professional coach, psychotherapist, or other qualified professional. Got it? Awesome! Until next time, what is one thing you are grateful for?
(Transcribed by TurboScribe.ai. Go Unlimited to remove this message.)
