(Transcribed by TurboScribe.ai. Go Unlimited to remove this message.)
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When I was younger, especially as a mom, I didn't know anything about boundaries. In truth, I hadn't even heard the term setting boundaries. I didn't think I could say no to something that didn't feel right or gave me that funny feeling in the pit of my stomach when I said yes.
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I associated saying yes with love. Back then, I didn't have the self-esteem or self-worth that I have now. I wanted people to like me, so I gave in, believing that they would.
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However, the opposite happened. People used me because I was nice. It wasn't until after many episodes of burning out that I woke up and smelled the roses and said, enough is enough.
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They weren't the ones recuperating. They were enjoying the fruits of my labor. Now I know differently.
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If you grew up without ever hearing the word boundary, you're not alone. Many of us were taught, directly or indirectly, that being nice meant saying yes, even when we didn't want to. We learned to keep the peace, go along with others, and put their needs ahead of our own.
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And if we even thought about saying no, the guilt showed up fast. That's why setting boundaries as an adult can feel confusing or even wrong. It's not just about learning a new skill.
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It's about unlearning old beliefs that made us think we had to earn love through self-sacrifice. Before we talk about what boundaries look like, let's talk about what they're not. There are many myths out there that make boundaries sound mean, selfish, or unkind.
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Let's clear those up first, because the truth about setting boundaries just might surprise you. This is the Lessons for Life with Grandma Kate podcast. Each week, I explore my three pillars for positive relationships, which are setting boundaries, assertive communication, and resolving conflicts to help build your self-esteem so you can step into your power and live life on your terms.
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New episodes drop every Thursday, so hit that subscribe button and let's grow together. And if you're loving the podcast, a quick review helps more people find it. Like a lighthouse, steady and strong, let's shine a little brighter today.
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Here are five myths people believe when it comes to setting boundaries, especially in families and close relationships. If you were never taught how to have healthy limits growing up, it's easy to feel unsure or even guilty about creating them now. But the truth is, setting boundaries in relationships isn't about pushing people away.
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It's about building safety, respect, and trust. So let's clear up a few common misunderstandings. Myth number one, if you set boundaries, you're being selfish.
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This is one of the most common fears, especially for kind-hearted people. But setting boundaries isn't selfish, it's self-respect. It means you care enough about the relationship to speak up when something doesn't feel right.
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You're not pushing people away, you're showing them how to love and respect you, creating a more positive relationship. Myth number two, if I set a boundary, I will hurt others. Many people worry that if they say no, someone will get upset, and sometimes they just might.
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But you're not responsible for other people's emotions. You are accountable for your own. Setting boundaries doesn't hurt someone, it gives them clarity.
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It helps everyone know what's okay and what's not in your relationship. Myth number three, boundaries mean that I'm angry. People often wait until they're fed up to set a boundary, so others think setting boundaries only happen when someone is angry.
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But that's not true. Setting healthy boundaries and positive relationships are best set calmly and with love. They're not about anger, they're about honesty.
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And myth number four, boundaries cause feelings of guilt. Guilt often shows up when you start setting boundaries with your family. You might think, who am I to say no? But guilt doesn't mean you're doing something wrong, it means you're doing something new.
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Over time, as you build healthier habits, that guilt will fade and be replaced with inner peace. And the last one, boundaries are permanent, and I'm afraid of burning my bridges. Some people think once a boundary is set, it can't change, but boundaries are flexible.
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You can adjust them as your relationships grow. Setting boundaries doesn't have to be dramatic, it's simply a way to protect your emotional well-being. You're not burning bridges, you're building better ones.
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Now that we've cleared up some of the biggest myths about setting boundaries, you might be wondering, okay, but what do boundaries look like in everyday life? And that's a great question, because boundaries aren't just something we talk about, they're something we live by. Boundaries can show up in small choices, like when we pause before saying yes to a family request, or when we turn off our phone after work to protect our energy. They can be spoken out loud, or simply live through our actions.
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Some are firm and clear, others are more flexible and change as we grow. There isn't just one kind of boundary, there are many areas in our lives where we can begin setting healthy limits that honour who we are and what we need, whether it's protecting our time, emotions, energy, or space. Boundaries are how we create a life that feels good on the inside, not just one that looks good on the outside.
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So let's walk through some of the most common types of boundaries and how you can start putting them into place. Time Boundaries Setting time boundaries means learning to protect your schedule and rest. Start by noticing when you feel stretched too thin, or resentful about how you're spending your time.
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Then, decide on your limits, like turning off your phone at a specific hour, or setting aside quiet time just for you. I used to answer emails or texts from people at all hours, even when I was exhausted. Now I've decided I only respond during work hours and that's been a game changer for my peace of mind.
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There are Emotional Boundaries To build emotional boundaries, start by asking yourself, is this something I need to carry when someone shares their struggles? You can be kind and listen, but remind yourself that their emotions are not your responsibility. Practice holding space without taking on everything. When someone I love dumps their emotions on me but won't take responsibility for them, I used to carry it all.
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Now, I listen, but I don't own their feelings. Conversation Boundaries These boundaries start with choosing what types of conversation you're okay with. If a topic feels hurtful or makes you uncomfortable, you're allowed to speak up or step away.
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You don't have to argue, just redirect or remove yourself calmly. I don't engage in gossip anymore, even if it's family. I then either change the subject or excuse myself.
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Energy Boundaries Start paying attention to how your body and mind feel after being with certain people or doing certain things. If you feel drained, you can choose to rest instead of pushing through. You don't have to justify it.
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Your energy is valuable and worth protecting. When I'm feeling drained, I give myself permission to cancel plans without guilt. I used to feel resentful.
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Now, I take care of my energy first. Personal Space Boundaries To set these, create a small routine or ritual around your focused time. Let others know when you're not available and stick to it.
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It might feel hard at first, but protecting your creative or personal space helps you do your best work. When I'm working on something creative or important like my podcast, I no longer let myself be interrupted just because someone else wants my attention. And there's Social Media Boundaries This one starts with noticing how you feel after scrolling.
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If certain posts make you feel anxious, sad, or not good enough, it's okay to unfollow or mute them. I no longer follow people online who make me feel less than or who post things that make me anxious. My feed is now a safe, positive space.
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Family Boundaries Begin by listening to that voice inside that says, I don't really want to do this. Instead of automatically saying yes to every family request, pause for a moment, ask yourself what you truly want, and permit yourself to say no with kindness. I used to feel obligated to say yes to every family request.
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Now, I pause and ask, do I want to do this, or do I feel guilted into it? That pause has changed everything. And what about Parenting-Grandparenting Boundaries? It's okay to check in with yourself before helping out. Give yourself time to think before making a commitment.
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Boundaries here aren't about being unkind. They're about making sure you have the energy to be fully present when you do say yes. When my adult kids ask me to watch the grandkids, I check in with myself first.
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I say yes when I truly can, and no when I need to rest or have other priorities. And what about Work Boundaries? These begin with clarity. Ask yourself, what matters most to me right now? Then, before saying yes to a new project or opportunity, check if it aligns with that goal.
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You don't have to accept everything just to be nice or stay busy. I used to take every opportunity that came my way, even if it didn't align with my goals. Now I ask, does this support the life I'm building? If not, I let it go.
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And the last one I'm going to discuss, Emotional Protection in Conflict. Start by deciding how you want to be spoken to and what you will do if that line is crossed. You don't need to argue or explain.
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A calm, clear sentence can be enough to stop the cycle and protect your inner peace. When someone raises their voice or speaks disrespectfully to me, I calmly say, I'm happy to talk when you're calm. I'm not okay with being spoken to like that.
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Here's a helpful way to think about boundaries. They're like a lighthouse. A lighthouse doesn't chase after ships, beg them to change direction, or try to control where they go.
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A lighthouse simply stands tall, shines its light, and let others know where it's safe to sail and where it isn't. In the same way, your boundaries don't force anyone to behave a certain way. They simply send a clear message.
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This is where I feel safe. This is how I expect to be treated. When we start setting boundaries in relationships, especially with family, we're not shutting people out.
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We're giving them a roadmap for how to love and respect us. And at the same time, we're teaching our children and grandchildren what healthy love looks like. One respectful boundary at a time.
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Setting boundaries isn't about shutting people out. It's about letting the right things in. It's about protecting your inner peace, honoring your energy, and building trust in your relationships.
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Boundaries help us live in alignment with who we are and what we value. And as we've talked about today, there are so many different ways to start small and stay true to ourselves, whether it's saying no to something that drains us or stepping away from conversations that don't feel good. But here's what's most important to remember.
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Boundaries don't stand alone. They are deeply connected to my other two pillars that shape healthy, respectful relationships. Assertive communication and conflict resolution.
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When we set a boundary, we are often doing all three at once. We notice a conflict. Something doesn't feel right.
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We communicate assertively, clearly, kindly, and calmly. And we honor our boundary, choosing what is okay and what is not. Every time you set a boundary, you are not just protecting yourself.
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You're also modeling how to navigate hard things with grace and strength. You're showing your children and grandchildren how to speak up without yelling, how to say no without guilt, and how to stay rooted, even when others may not understand. If this feels hard right now, that's okay.
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You're learning, you're growing, and you're building a life that's not just about being liked, but about being loved in a way that feels safe, mutual, and true. So whether you're setting a new boundary, speaking assertively, or resolving a conflict, remember, you're building positive relationships, one skill at a time. Don't just learn these skills, live them! That's when the magic happens.
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If this episode has motivated you, hit follow for more life lessons from Lessons for Life with Grandma Kate. There is always time to rewrite your family story. Break free from patterns that no longer serve you, and create a home filled with love, understanding, and unwavering support.
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I'm here to guide you every step of the way. As I conclude this episode, I must state that this podcast is designed solely for educational and entertainment purposes. While I bring my experience as a parent and grandparent, it's essential that you know I am not a licensed therapist.
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This podcast is not a substitute for professional advice from a physician, professional coach, psychotherapist, or other qualified professional. Got it? Awesome! Until next time, what is one thing you are grateful for? Thank you.
(Transcribed by TurboScribe.ai. Go Unlimited to remove this message.)
