(Transcribed by TurboScribe.ai. Go Unlimited to remove this message.)
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The things I regret most as a parent aren't the big decisions I made, they're the small ones I didn't realize that mattered until I became a grandparent. When my kids were at home, I spent a lot of time stressing over the big stuff, like whether I should work outside the house or stay home full time. Was it too soon to sign my son up for hockey, or should I wait another year for him to grow physically and emotionally? I thought those were the choices that would shape their future.
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But now, with the perspective that only time can give, I see things differently. It was the everyday moments that left the most profound imprint, such as the way I responded when they were angry and upset, the words I chose and yelled when I was tired, and the times I stayed silent when they needed me to say something to comfort and support them. In this episode, I share 5 life lessons I deeply regret about my parenting style, not to feel bad about the past, but to gently remind us of what matters, because it's never too late to learn, grow, and show our kids a better way.
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This is the Lessons for Life with Grandma Kate podcast that is all about real talk and practical tips for building self-esteem, confidence, and self-worth, so you can step into your power and live life on your terms. New episodes drop every Thursday, so hit that subscribe button and let's grow together. And if you're loving the show, a quick review helps more people find it.
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Like a lighthouse, steady and strong, let's shine a little brighter today. I didn't know how to speak my truth kindly. I used to think being a good parent meant saying yes to everything, never upsetting anyone, and keeping the peace at all costs.
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But in doing that, I wasn't honest about how I felt. I wasn't modeling how to speak up with kindness and clarity. Eventually, I learned about the three main communication styles and how they shape how our children learn to express themselves.
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And here they are. Passive communication is when we avoid expressing our needs or opinions to avoid conflict. We say yes when we mean no, or downplay how we feel.
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For example, we'll say, it's fine, don't worry about it. When really, we're upset or overwhelmed. What this teaches our kids is that their feelings don't matter.
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Keep quiet to be accepted. Then there's aggressive communication, which occurs when we express ourselves in a controlling, loud, or harsh way, disregarding the other person's feelings. It can sound like, you always do this, you never listen.
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What this teaches our kids is the loudest voice wins. You have to dominate to be heard. And then there's assertive communication, which is the healthy middle ground.
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It's clear, calm, respectful, and honest. It honors your needs and the needs of others. For example, you can say, I'm feeling overwhelmed right now.
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Can we talk in a few minutes? What this teaches our kids is that you can speak up and it's possible to do it kindly. Kids don't learn assertiveness from what we tell them. They learn it from how we live.
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I'm going to say that again. Kids don't learn assertiveness from what we tell them. They learn it from how we live.
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If you want your child to set healthy boundaries and use their voice, show them how to do it in your day-to-day interactions with others. My regret, I didn't know how to speak up calmly and respectfully. I didn't know there was a better way.
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I didn't know how to model assertive communication. Now, I'm learning to speak my truth with kindness and clarity. And every time I do, I show my kids and grandkids that it's never too late to find your voice.
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Second, I wish I'd let them make more choices. Autonomy goes beyond letting your kids pick out their clothes or choosing what's for dinner. It's about raising children who feel empowered to make decisions, think for themselves, and take ownership of their lives.
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It took me time to understand that autonomy builds self-confidence. When we allow children to explore their interests, make mistakes, and try again, we're helping them grow into resilient, self-aware adults. I tried to let my kids make choices that were right for their age.
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I asked for their ideas during family talks, let them help solve problems, and encouraged them to try new hobbies. But sometimes, I held on too tight, because I loved them and was scared of what might happen if I let go. One moment I'll never forget is the night my daughter came to me visibly apprehensive.
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She had always said she wanted to be a social worker, but now she had changed her mind. She wanted to be a hairdresser instead and was scared to tell me. She thought I'd be disappointed.
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But the truth is, I was fine with her new dream. I just hadn't done a good job showing her that I would support her no matter what. That moment taught me how important it is to let our kids know that their dreams are their own, and that we'll be proud of them no matter which path they choose.
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My regret? I didn't give my kids enough freedom to make their own choices. I still held on too tightly out of love and fear. I wanted to protect them, but didn't always show them I trusted them.
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Today, I remind myself that their lives belong to them, not to my fears, and it's never too late to show them that I believe in who they are becoming. And number three, the power of our words. If I could go back, I would be far more intentional with my words, not just in discipline, but in everyday moments.
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I didn't understand how powerful words are. Words stay with a child for years. They can nurture their self-worth or slowly chip away at their self-esteem.
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But there's something else I didn't understand back then, that some words I said made my children feel like their feelings weren't real or didn't matter. Sometimes, to fix things or protect them from pain, we accidentally dismiss their feelings. We do this by saying phrases such as, You're overreacting.
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That's not what happened. You always make a big deal out of nothing. It wasn't that bad.
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Stop crying. To a child, these phrases can feel confusing and dismissive. They begin to question their own emotions and wonder if their feelings are wrong.
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But here is what we need to say instead. That looked like it really hurt. Are you okay? It makes sense you'd feel that way.
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I hear you. And I'm here for you. I might not fully understand, but I can see this matters to you.
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When we validate our child's experience, even if we disagree, we teach them that their emotions are real and worthy of respect. We also have the power to plant encouraging, grounding phrases in their heart. Like, you matter.
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I'm listening. You can tell me anything. You're doing your best.
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And I see it. My regret? I seldom thought about how my words would affect my kids years later. I spoke too quickly, tried to fix things too fast, and brushed off big feelings.
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I didn't mean to hurt, but I didn't always help. Today, I try to speak more gently, actively listen, and use words that build self-esteem and confidence. And number four, I didn't realize I was parenting on autopilot.
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I thought I was doing things differently than my parents. But the truth? I was carrying a parenting blueprint I didn't even know I had, one passed down from generations before me. Generational parenting shows up in the smallest moments.
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The way we handle tears. The way we react to mistakes. The tone we use.
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The words we repeat. Even the way we laugh. Our kids are always watching.
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Not just what we say, but how we live. They see whether we rest or run ourselves ragged. Whether we apologize or never admit we're wrong.
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Whether we respect others, or tear them down when they're not listening. And then they mirror it. But here's the good news.
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We can break cycles. We can keep the good and lovingly leave the rest. And here's how we can do it.
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Bring the unconscious to light. Notice what you're repeating. Learn new tools, like assertive communication, setting healthy boundaries, and handling disagreements.
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And give yourself grace. You're not just parenting a child, but re-parenting yourself. My regret? I thought I was doing things differently.
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Now I know, that just because something is familiar, doesn't mean it's healthy. When we choose to grow, we change our story, and with it, our kids and grandkids. And my last regret? Compound interest.
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I wish I'd known how much the little things matter. Parenting is like compound interest. It's not about one big deposit.
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It's about small, consistent investments over time. I know this one sounds odd, but hear me out. It's every bedtime story.
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Every moment you pause and listen. Every time you say, I'm proud of you. These tiny acts, they compound.
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They build trust, connection, and confidence. And just like in finances, missed deposits have a cost. Not every missed moment causes damage, but it adds up when we consistently skip the small things.
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Such as the quick chats in the car, that never happen because we are deep in our thoughts. The bedtime tuck-ins we stop doing because they're too old, or we're too tired. Too many kids are putting themselves to bed night after night, feeling unseen.
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And if you ask them, they'll probably say, it's alright. But let's be the bigger person. Let's show up because our kids are worth our time, even when they say they don't need to be tucked in.
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And here's something we don't talk about enough. Our kids notice when we're always on our phones. How can we ask them to get off their devices if we're glued to ours? Real connections happen when we put the screens down and look them in the eyes.
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The good news about compound interest is that it works the other way. Every small act of love, kindness, and presence grows into something powerful. Start small.
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Stay consistent. Your child doesn't need perfection. They need to feel seen, heard, and loved.
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My regret? I missed too many of the small moments that mattered. But those little moments weren't little at all. Now I see that every hug, every I'm proud of you, every time I stop and really listen, it all adds up.
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Well, I can't go back. I can choose to show up now because perfection is not what our kids need. It's our presence, our time, our love.
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Parenting isn't about being perfect. It's about being present. It's about learning from the past and choosing to do something different now that we know better.
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These five regrets I've shared aren't about failure. They're opportunities to grow and do better for ourselves, our children, and our grandchildren. It's not the big choices that shape our kids the most.
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It's the little things we do every day. And if you've ever thought it's too late to change, please know it's not. Your child is still watching and still listening, even adult children.
As long as you're here, you can show them something new, not just for them, but for the child inside you too. If no one has told you lately, everything is going to be okay. Tomorrow is a new day and with it comes new hopes.
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If this message speaks to you, share it with someone who needs it too. I believe in you. There is always time to rewrite your family's story.
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Break free from patterns that no longer serve you and create a home filled with love, understanding, and unwavering support. I'm here to guide you every step of the way. As I conclude this episode, I must state that this podcast is designed solely for educational and entertainment purposes.
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While I bring my experience as a parent and grandparent, it's essential that you know I am not a licensed therapist. This podcast is not a substitute for professional advice from a physician, professional coach, psychotherapist, or other qualified professional. Got it? Awesome! Until next time, what is one thing you are grateful for?
(Transcribed by TurboScribe.ai. Go Unlimited to remove this message.)
