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Welcome to the Lessons for Life with Grandma Kate podcast, which is all about real talk and practical tips for building self-esteem, confidence and self-worth, so you can step into your power and live life on your terms. New episodes drop every Thursday, so hit that subscribe button and let's grow together. And if you're loving the show, a quick review helps more people find it.
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Today, I'm excited to have a guest, Brian Seth Hurst, who characterizes himself as a metapractical man. Brian has co-authored a best-selling children's book with Olivia Newton John called The Pig's Tale and is also the author of the book Whole, W-H-O-L-E. Welcome to the show, Brian.
Hi, Kate. How are you today? Good. So before we dive in, can you share your journey and what inspired you to write Whole and create the companion book and audiobook? Yes.
You know, I still am in the entertainment industry. And at the time, I had had a television show with a reality television company, and the show was focused on the elections. This is back in 2006.
I was living on the Illinois-Iowa border, and I noticed when I went to the political rallies that what I heard at the rallies, I never heard on the news. So I had a different experience of the candidates than you would have through the media. And so I thought to myself, well, how do we disintermediate the media and came up with a show called Determination and was going to cast millennials, young people, to actually be on the ground and report? Well, it didn't work out that first time, and it more or less crashed and burned.
But we said, okay, we'll wait four years. So then over the next four years, we really worked hard. I put heart and soul into it, left blood on the field, as they say.
And the management changed hands at the production company. And because the manager, the CEO who would like to show in the beginning, they were gone. And so this really wasn't the new guy's show.
And I received an email. I was living part-time in Illinois and part-time in Los Angeles. I received an email saying that the show wasn't going to happen.
So that was the second time. And I crashed. I was so upset.
I was sitting in the airport in Moline. And I basically said, what do I do now? And I heard, give us 30 days. And at the end of 30 days, you will have a book and the name of the book is whole.
And so for the next 30 days, I kind of just like, took dictation. And what I thought was, it was dealing with various essays on life, you know, stewardship, detachment. When you feel distant from things, it was just the subject matter, I would get the title, and then it would just like kind of come through.
Sometimes I wrote it on my phone, depending upon where I was. Sometimes I was at my desk. And at the end of 30 days, I did have a book.
And I didn't realize how timely and timeless the information would be. So then, long story short, people kept asking for an audio book. And I was like, okay, well, I'll do it.
So I recorded an audio book. And then I went to a friend of mine who was a PR person, and I said to her, hey, how will I market this book? And she, being my friend for 25 years, was completely honest and said, no one is going to want to promote a book that's as old because it was a decade old. Even if you have an audio book, why don't you do a workbook? And a bell went off.
And I'm big on following the prompts that the universe gives you, whether they come from within or whether they come from without, if something clicks. So then I said, okay, great. So I'm going to just sit down and I'm going to do an outline of exercises that would allow people to go deeper within each chapter of the book.
And then I thought, well, this is going to be interesting. I really don't want to send anyone over the edge while they're doing these exercises because it's self-exploration. And so then out of my clients, because I've been doing intuitive readings for many years and coaching, helping people make transitions in their life from one phase to another.
And I thought, you know what, I'm just going to send out an email and I'm going to ask for 50 volunteers to do the exercises as I write them. And it was amazing. The volunteers were terrific.
One of them, Elisa Clickinter, actually became the editor of the workbook. And people who were doing the exercises said that it was life-changing. So then I was like, okay, so this is real.
We're going to publish it. We'll get it out in the world. And hopefully my goal is to have it get into as many hands as possible and make a real difference.
I'm so in line with your vision and your mission, as you stated at the beginning of the podcast, and the ability to create one's reality through your thoughts and your beliefs. And basically the book itself, if you ask me for an overall, I would say it's about how beliefs define our reality and how we can transform those beliefs. So there's the backstory.
And before that, I had a career in entertainment. I was a vice chairman at the Emmy awards. I did write a great children's book with my friend Olivia Newton-John.
But this was something I think, maybe it's not just me, but as you mature, maybe suddenly it's about doing meaningful work in the world. They say there are three phases, Kate. There's learn, earn, return.
And return is when you get back. And I think I'm just crossing that line. Not from the earn to the learn, from the learn to the return.
Yeah. No, and I'm so with you on that. That's where I'm at in my life too.
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And, but I have a question. So had you had that experience of being inspired to write before, or was that just, you kind of had it off and on and just- I have always written. I've always kind of tried to follow the inspiration.
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I had written short pieces, articles and things like that before, but there was something so overwhelmingly compelling about this and I just decided to go with it. And it was a very easy process. I would that the workbook had been so easy.
That took two years. But yeah, I, yeah, it's so challenging, I think sometimes. And in, to follow that instinct.
And in, in the introduction to the book, I talk about how I argued. Like, who's going to read this book? What difference is it going to make? How am I going to get it out in the world? And just arguing back and forth, and constantly hearing, forget your considerations and just continue. And so, yeah.
So yeah, I have been inspired to do, I think everything in my, probably much to the frustration of my parents, everything I've chosen in life, I've been inspired on a path to follow. And what I realized is it was part of a much larger purpose. So what it looked like to me first was a lack of focus.
But then when I landed on purpose, which for me is to connect and engage authentically and inspire, then I realized, well, I had been living on purpose in that context my entire life. And I've always kind of pushed the limits. Honestly, Kate, I was the kid, if you said you can't do that, I would prove you wrong.
I was the kid, if my mother said don't go beyond this point that I would wait till she wasn't looking, and then go beyond that point. So yeah. So you have mentioned, and it's in your book, too, about self limiting beliefs.
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And I was just wondering, maybe we could talk a little bit about that. So what is a self limiting belief? And maybe you could give us some examples for people, because I know it's, I mean, people hear it, but it's always, I always find it's interesting to hear it from another person's perspective. Because when we hear that, somebody will say something, and I'll be like, oh, that's what all those other people meant.
So what is your, right? You know, I have a few takes on it. My partner in life, I once said, well, I don't think I can do that. And he said to me, well, certainly not with that attitude.
So that is in its simplest form. That is it. It's that you think you can't, but maybe you can.
But so there's an exercise in the book. It's I call it the belief grid. And down the left hand side of the grid, you put the 10 most influential people in your life.
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And then across the top are different categories, family, creativity, money, work, sexuality. And then what you do is you just fill out what you take your first thought, and you fill out the beliefs that you think that person had. So if it's your mother is the first in line, your mother thought family is, and they'll just say the most important thing.
Okay. Then you continue filling out, you take your first thought and you fill out the whole grid. Then you put the grid away for a day or two, and you pull the grid out and you look at those beliefs that you are living from, that you've adopted, whether you wanted them or not.
And because I call those beliefs that are operating, those are the human operating system. And so then in the 11th row is your name, and you can modify those beliefs. So for example, in my own life, my dad grew up poor.
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So there was never enough money. There's not money for this. So that belief, there's not money for that.
That was just in there. And I might have acted consciously or unconsciously, or been always afraid that there wouldn't be enough work because that was the belief that I learned. And that's what the belief that I carried with me.
And one thing in a book by Wayne Dyer, he talks about how a child, a mother came home and she had a terrible headache from work. And the child was all happy and singing. And the mother screamed at her and said, stop singing.
You have a horrible voice. And from then on, her self-expression was stuffed and repressed, even to the point of not just singing, but talking. So we never know what those single moments are or what beliefs we're taught.
So when I talk about self-limiting beliefs, it's not that just the, Oh, I can't do that. Or I would never be able to do that, which is often there. Or I don't have enough time to do that.
I don't have enough money to do that. I mean, the list is endless. And it's catching yourself in that conversation as well.
So on the one hand are the beliefs that you've taken on. And you have the power to change that mindset and change that belief. And on the other hand, is the self conversation that goes on in the way that you speak to yourself about what's possible and about what's not possible.
So those self-limiting beliefs could be either positive or negative. So moving you forward or holding you back, right? Well, if it's a belief that's moving you forward, it's not self-limiting. It's promoting growth.
But sometimes those self-beliefs, self-limiting beliefs are in the unconscious. You don't even know you do it. And so that awareness of that conversation that you're having in your head, that conversation can be changed.
It takes work. I call it spiritual chiropractic adjustment. The longer it's been out, the more attention you have to pay to it to put it where you want it.
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So what if somebody's stuck, puts pen to paper and that self-talk talks them out of writing? I've had this experience in the past too. It's like, okay, I want to make this list. And it's like, sometimes we just don't know how to get started.
There's a quote by William F. Murray, whatever you can do or believe you can do, begin it now. Boldness has genius power and magic in it. So you have to discipline yourself, I guess, to step beyond that belief.
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But if there's a lot of self-doubt, then what I do is I journal, I write about that self-doubt. I acknowledge those feelings so that I can get them out instead of running them around as a loop in my head. I'm like, okay, how am I? Actually, that's how I start my day is how am I feeling right now? And that's how I end my day.
How am I feeling right now? Because those feelings are, I'm entitled to them, they're mine. I might think they're good feelings or bad feelings, but even if there are bad feelings, there might be something that I get to learn out of that. So I try to look at the benefit of just feeling in generally.
A lot of people don't want to feel anything. And I get that, especially since it might lead to a perceived loss of control or a risk. Like for a long time, I came from the, I'll never let them see me sweat school.
And I was sexually abused as a kid. So there's a wall that I was able to put up very, very quickly and stuff my feelings just for the sake of survival. Well, now that I'm an adult, maybe I don't need those coping mechanisms anymore.
And for me, that was like, well, you know what, that was a trauma. Let me find a great trauma therapist and walk through this so that I have my life rather than it having me. So that I'm not grabbed by the collar and dragged into the past so that I can be present.
And in the book, you also talk about habits. So tell us about habits. And do you see a relationship between self-limiting beliefs and habits? Yeah, it's interesting.
There are habits and patterns. Okay. Yeah.
And, you know, often I can't even relate the difference. I say, you know, who can remember what I wrote? Who can, how can I remember? But I know that there are good habits and bad habits. And I know that it takes an awareness of a habit.
For example, if I have a habit that is conducive to me stuffing my feelings, say eating, you know, that I'm not really aware of my feelings. So I'm just going to eat those feelings. Well, maybe before I eat that entire pint of ice cream, I can ask myself, wait a minute, how am I feeling right now? What am I feeling right now? What do I need right now? Where do I feel I'm not being supportive? What is this? So that that habit is not just something that I do.
And I just pick up a pattern to me is, for me, it's a way of dealing with something or not dealing with something. So if my pattern is that every time I'm confronted with something, I change the subject. That's the pattern.
You know, yeah, even, you know, and then it's just looking at and not judging it. Yeah, it's so important to just say, Okay, this is what I do, I might not know why I'm doing it. But it's what I'm doing.
And, and I've had moments, I think other people have to where you go, Wow, I don't really like myself, right? Oh, I don't like how I'm reacting to this. I don't like what I'm doing. Well, the thing is, I can look one step deeper and go there's a motivation here.
Yeah, is my motivation to keep from feeling pain is my motivation to manipulate the other person? Am I being motivated by fear? Why do I want to do this? You know, especially if someone has hurt me, my initial response is to want them to hurt too. Yeah. And so to stop that and say, Okay, well, my motivation is that I want them to feel the same amount of pain that I did, instead of just saying, Wait a minute, that might not have been personal, that might have been just the way they are, or wait a minute, I need to say to them, I want to stop you right now.
Because if your intention was to hurt me, or was not to hurt me, I need you to know that that hurt, you know, and to be able to, to kind of process that out. And I take courage to do that. Because you got to know what, every I believe everyone is made of strong stuff.
I believe that resilience is built in compassion, maybe not so much. But I believe resilience is built in and I, compassion enables resilience, and me having compassion for you. And that lets you realize maybe you're more powerful than you think you look at me and you go, Well, if that person went through it, and they're still standing, I can go through it.
And I can still stand. So yeah, I don't think people who would who are listening to your podcast are not inherently courageous. Otherwise, why would they be listening? One of my mottos is be the inspiration.
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And that's kind of what you just alluded to live our lives and live it to its fullest, because I'll talk a lot about with in my podcast is be the role model. And as parents, because our kids are always watching us, you know, the way we flick our hair or the way we, you know, I even have public speaking, our voices, our mannerisms, like kids are always watching, and need to set that example, being courageous, setting boundaries, how do we deal with conflict and personal growth, much as what you're talking about, like the kind of person that is going to do the beliefs, and we need to be that more for our kids, I think. So it's so serendipitous that you were saying this, because very long story short, I returned to my dream.
I was a performer 40 some odd years ago, and I returned to performing after 40 years. And so I've done a one man show, and I continue to do it. But I continue to do these open mics.
So that I can keep things up. And a song I always wanted to sing was children will listen by Stephen Sondheim. Wow.
So I have been working on that song. And I've been working on the revised version that Barbra Streisand saying, which starts out, how do you say to your child in the night, nothing's all black, but then nothing's all white? How do you say it will all be all right, when you know that it mightn't be true? What do you do? And then the lyric goes to careful the things you say children will listen. Careful the things you do children will see and learn.
Children see and learn. Children may not obey, but children will listen. Children will look to you for which way to turn to know what to be careful before you say listen to me.
Children will listen. Right. And then yeah, it goes on beyond that, which is careful to spell or careful to wish you make wishes your children careful the path they take wishes come true, not free.
Careful the spell you cast, not just on children. Sometimes the spell will last past what you can see and turn against you. Careful the tale you tell that is the spell children will listen.
So, I mean, it's brilliant. You don't get the manual on parenting. That's for sure.
We all make mistakes. It's that learning curve. And I think that's if kids can see parents learning or parents trying, then that speaks volumes in itself too.
Well, that is it for today, but we are just getting started. Join Brian and me next week as we explore the powerful connection between your habits, your core values, and how practicing self-compassion can transform the way you grow. There is always time to rewrite your family story.
Break free from patterns that no longer serve you and create a home filled with love, understanding, and unwavering support. I'm here to guide you every step of the way. As I conclude this episode, I must state that this podcast is designed solely for educational and entertainment purposes.
While I bring my experience as a parent and grandparent, it's essential that you know, I am not a licensed therapist. This podcast is not a substitute for professional advice from a physician, professional coach, psychotherapist, or other qualified professional. Got it? Awesome.
Until next time, what is one thing you are grateful for?
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