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Do you remember the last time you avoided conflict because you didn't want to rock the boat? How did that make you feel afterward? Probably frustrated, unheard, or even anxious. Have you ever been in a situation where you wanted to say no, but said yes just to keep the peace? Or maybe you let something slide, even though it made you uncomfortable because you didn't want to cause conflict? I remember when I caught myself doing exactly that. I was at a family gathering when a relative made a comment that crossed a boundary for me.
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Instead of speaking up, I just smiled and nodded, even though it bothered me for days. Later, I realized something important. How can I expect my kids or grandkids to stand up for themselves if I struggle with it myself? That moment made me realize that assertive communication isn't just something we should teach kids.
We must master it ourselves. How can we expect them to learn it if we don't model it? So, grab your favorite beverage, find a comfy spot, and let's dive into today's topic of assertive communication. This is Lessons for Life with Grandma Kate, where I'm dedicated to helping you grow as a person so you can bring your best self to parenting and create better family relationships.
And if you're ready to invest in yourself and strengthen your relationships, hit that subscribe button. New episodes drop every Thursday. And if you're finding the podcast helpful, it would mean the world if you could take a moment to leave a review.
It makes a real difference. What does assertive communication mean? It means expressing thoughts, feelings, and needs clearly, confidently, and respectfully. It's about standing up for yourself without being aggressive or passive.
Think of it like this. Passive communication is when you don't express your needs and let others take advantage of you. For example, if a friend asks for a favor, you may say yes, even though you don't have time because you don't want to disappoint them.
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Aggressive communication involves expressing one's needs but disregarding others. For example, you might angrily tell someone, you always take advantage of me, instead of calmly stating your boundaries. Then there's assertive communication.
You clearly and respectfully communicate your needs. For example, I'd love to help you, but I don't have time right now. Maybe another day.
When you become more assertive, you teach your kids through your actions. They watch how you set boundaries, express yourself, and handle conflict, and they start doing the same. So why is assertive communication so important? Assertive communication isn't just about standing up for yourself.
It's about building confidence. When you express your needs clearly, you feel empowered instead of resentful or overwhelmed. It reduces stress.
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Saying yes, when you mean no, can lead to burnout. Assertive communication helps you protect your time and energy. It improves relationships.
When you communicate openly and honestly, others respect you more, and relationships become stronger. It sets the tone for your kids. If you model assertive behavior, your children will learn it naturally and be more likely to stand up for themselves.
It enhances problem-solving skills. Assertive communication teaches kids and adults how to handle disagreements and conflicts effectively without resorting to avoidance or aggression. Do you remember the last time you avoided conflict because you didn't want to rock the boat? How did that make you feel afterward? Probably frustrated, unheard, or even anxious.
Now, imagine responding assertively, calmly expressing your needs, and setting a clear boundary. That's the shift to work toward. Here is a basic formula to remember assertive communication.
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If you're unsure how to start, follow this simple formula. A. Acknowledge your feelings using I statements such as, I feel overwhelmed when I have to handle all the chores alone. Can we divide them more evenly? C. Communicate your needs.
Be clear and direct. I appreciate your offer, but can't take on another project right now. And T. Your tone and body language matter.
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Keep a calm, confident tone. Stand tall, maintain eye contact, and speak in an even tone. ACT serves as a reminder that assertive communication requires A. Acknowledging your feelings, C. Clearly stating your needs, and T. Tuning into your tone and body language.
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This formula makes it easier to practice assertiveness until it becomes second nature. But being assertive comes with its challenges. Here are seven common challenges and how to overcome them.
1. Feeling guilty for saying no. I've been a people pleaser for years, so learning to say no initially felt uncomfortable. However, I had to remind myself that setting boundaries isn't selfish.
It's necessary for one's well-being. 2. Fear of conflict. Do you avoid conflict? I sure do.
My heart starts racing and my knees weaken thinking about dealing with an unpleasant situation. We avoid assertiveness because we don't want to upset others. But remember, assertiveness isn't about being rude.
It's about being honest and fair. If someone reacts badly to your boundary, that's their issue, not yours. 3. Breaking old habits.
It takes time to change if you've been passive for most of your life. Start small. Assert yourself in low-risk situations, like asking a server for a correction on your order, and build up to more significant challenges.
4. Push back. Not everyone will respond well to assertiveness, especially if they're used to you always saying yes. But stay firm.
You can say, I understand this is different for you, but I need to start prioritizing my well-being. And if the other person is being unreasonable, it's okay to walk away. And how about low self-esteem? If you struggle with self-worth, being assertive can feel impossible.
Work on affirmations, self-care, and surrounding yourself with people who respect and uplift you. How about not being taught by our parents? Many of us grew up in households that didn't model assertiveness. If your parents didn't teach you to communicate assertively, educate yourself and practice with safe, supportive people.
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7. Don't worry about being liked. Being assertive may mean some people won't always agree with you, and that's okay too. Prioritize respect over approval.
People who value you will appreciate your honesty. Now how about some ways to teach and model assertiveness for your kids? Children learn best by watching and practicing what they see. If you want your child to be assertive, start by modeling it in your daily interactions.
Here's how. Practice I-statements. What it teaches kids is how to express their feelings clearly without blaming others.
Practicing I-statements builds confidence in communicating emotions and needs. Here's how to teach it. Narrate your feelings out loud when appropriate, so your kids hear how you phrase them.
Encourage them to express their emotions with, I feel, instead of blaming others. And if they say, you never listen to me, help them refrain it as, I feel frustrated when I don't get a turn to talk. Help them with setting boundaries and sticking to them.
This teaches kids that saying no is okay, and that they don't have to do everything others ask. And how to teach it. Demonstrate clear, polite refusals in front of your child so they can see how.
Encourage them to say no when necessary, such as declining a hug from a relative when they don't feel comfortable. You can also role-play scenarios where they practice saying no, such as a friend pressuring them to share a toy or join a game they don't like. As just mentioned, try role-playing situations.
This prepares kids for real-life situations where they need to assert themselves. You can teach this by creating simple role-playing games where they practice standing up for themselves. If they struggle with peer pressure, practice responses like, I'd rather not, but thanks for asking.
And make it fun. Act out scenarios where they must decline, express an opinion, or set a boundary. And use strong voice and eye contact.
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This teaches that body language and tone matter in communication. You can teach this by pointing out and reinforcing when they use assertive body language. Wow! I loved how you stood tall and looked your friend in the eye when you told them what you wanted.
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You can play confidence charades where they act out different emotions and stances, such as slouching versus standing tall. And encourage them to practice assertive posture when ordering food, greeting teachers, or speaking in front of a group. And also acknowledge when they get it right.
This teaches your kids that being assertive feels good and has positive outcomes. You can teach this by celebrating their small wins. If they stand up for themselves, acknowledge it.
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You can say, you told your friend you didn't want to play that game and they listened. How did that feel? You can share your experiences, showing that it's okay to be nervous, but that assertiveness plays off. And encourage them to reflect on situations where they communicated well and what they learned.
By practicing and guiding your child through these skills, you'll give your child the tools to be a confident, self-assured communicator. In conclusion, assertive communication isn't just a skill. It's a way to reclaim your confidence and set a strong example for your kids.
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They learn they can do the same when they see you standing up for yourself. So start small. Think about one situation where you can practice assertiveness this week.
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Maybe it's setting boundaries with a co-worker or speaking up when something bothers you. And if you found this episode helpful, share it with a friend. And lastly, when you learn to use your voice, your kids will too.
Thank you listeners for embarking on this journey with me today. Your time and attention are precious, and I am genuinely grateful that you chose to spend them with the Lessons for Life with Grandma Kate podcast. Your support and engagement mean the world to me.
Parenting is full of challenges, but remember the most profound change starts within us. Be the role model your children look up to. They always watch and learn from us.
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Visit Lessons for Life with GrandmaKate.com for a wealth of free practical resources. The website is designed to support you and your family in everyday parenting challenges, from tips on self-discipline and positive affirmations to various other valuable topics. Also available on the website are links to purchase my children's book in a series called Lessons for Life with Grandma Kate.
Follow along as Lily, her brother Zach, and their friends, guided by Grandma Kate, discover their inner magic of self-esteem and confidence through creative activities and heartfelt lessons. Grandma Kate empowers each of them to face life's challenges with courage and joy. There is always time to rewrite your family story, break free from patterns that no longer serve you, and create a home filled with love, understanding, and unwavering support.
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I'm here to guide you every step of the way. As I conclude this episode, I must state that this podcast is designed solely for educational and entertainment purposes. While I bring my experience as a parent and grandparent, it's essential that you know I am not a licensed therapist.
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This podcast is not a substitute for professional advice from a physician, professional coach, psychotherapist, or other qualified professional. Got it? Awesome! Until next time, what is one thing you are grateful for?
(Transcribed by TurboScribe.ai. Go Unlimited to remove this message.)
