How To Live By Your Family Values to Boost Self-esteem
We often talk about being a better person or a better parent. But what does that look like as a father or mother? You can’t just say I want to be a better person or parent without thinking about what being a better person or parent means. You need direction. That is when your values come into play.
Values are the beliefs and principles you consider essential in how you live, work, and play. They determine your priorities and guide your and your youngster's decisions in how you live and act toward others.
Imagine values as the North Star in the sky. Like the North Star guides travellers on their journey, your values provide direction and guidance for you and your family in life's adventures. Values help you stay on course, even when the path ahead seems uncertain, guiding you and your family toward what truly matters.
As parents, we struggle with guilt about balancing our home life with our work and relationships. Due to guilt, we say yes more times than we say no, which compounds our stress.
However, this stress can work in our favour. Stress causes us to take a step back, either through exhaustion or illness, to reflect on what is important to us.
Crafting your family values is like building a unique puzzle together. Instead of puzzle pieces, you're piecing together traits like kindness, respect, and responsibility. Each value fits snugly into place, creating a beautiful picture of who your family is and what you stand for. Like putting together a puzzle, it takes patience, teamwork, and a clear vision of the bigger picture to create something remarkable.
Here's how you can do it:
Family Brainstorming: Gather everyone together for a fun chat. Ask questions like, "What's important to us as a family?" or "What makes us proud?" Write down everyone's ideas, then see if you can spot common themes.
Discuss and Decide: Once you've got a list of ideas, it's time to chat about them. Explain why each value is significant and how it can help your family. Then, as a team, choose the top values you want to focus on.
Make a Family Values Poster: Get creative! Draw or write out your chosen values on a big poster and decorate it together. Hang it somewhere you'll see it every day, like the fridge or a family notice board.
Deciding your family values is more than a one-time event. It might take several family brainstorming sessions to resolve. Also, your values change over time as you experience life.
For example, When you have young children, your family values may revolve around creating a nurturing and supportive environment that fosters growth and development. Such as:
Patience: Understanding that your children are learning and growing, parents need to value patience in guiding them through various stages of development.
Unconditional Love: As parents, it is crucial to love your children unconditionally, to love and accept them exactly as they are in the moment, and to remember that you are unhappy with their behaviour, not them.
Consistency: Establishing routines and boundaries helps young children feel secure, especially when establishing morning and bedtime routines. Consistency is key. It builds your children’s self-worth and helps them through their teenage years. Also, it is essential to be consistent with your expectations and discipline.
Responsibility: It is essential to teach children about responsibility and accountability through age-appropriate tasks and chores, instilling the values of hard work and contribution.
Empathy: Parents strive to teach empathy by modelling understanding and compassion towards others. Empathy helps your children develop emotional intelligence, which I discussed in last week's episode.
If you have teenagers, you may focus on preparing them for independence and adulthood, which could shape your values differently.
They might include:
Communication: Open and honest communication becomes essential as teenagers navigate complex emotions and situations, fostering trust and understanding between you and your children.
Respect: You might emphasize mutual respect, teaching your teenager to value themselves and others, even in times of disagreement.
Independence: You might value autonomy and decision-making skills, which empower your teenager to take ownership of their choices and actions. They learn about consequences, both positive and negative.
Accountability: You can instill a sense of responsibility in your teenagers, encouraging them to take responsibility for their academic, personal, and social lives.
While core values may shift as children grow and mature, the underlying principles of love, support, and guidance remain constant in both parenting stages. So, what values does your family want to embrace?
How to Live by Your Values to Boost Your Self-esteem.
Living by your values is staying true to yourself, no matter what. When you align your actions with your values, you’re being congruent—meaning your thoughts, words, and actions all line up.
Consistency in staying true to your values builds strong self-esteem because you honour who you truly are and what you believe in. It's standing tall and proud, knowing you're living authentically and making choices that reflect your inner compass.
When you stay congruent with your values, you feel more confident in your decisions and more at peace with yourself, knowing you're living an authentic life. Congruency reinforces the same values in your children to build better relationships and confident and happier children.
When you are not aligned, you experience discomfort, guilt, or dissatisfaction because your actions don't match what you believe in your heart. Whether saying one thing but doing another or going against your principles, being out of sync with your values can leave you feeling disconnected from yourself and others. It's like trying to fit a square peg into a round hole—a sense of friction and unease comes with it.
However, recognizing when you're not congruent with your values is the first step towards realignment and finding your way back to living authentically.
Protecting your values is like safeguarding treasures precious to your heart. It begins with knowing what you stand for and staying true to yourself, even when faced with challenges or temptations.
Three Ways to Protect Your Values
1. Surround yourself with people who respect and share your values. They will provide support and encouragement during difficult times.
2. Set boundaries to shield your values from being compromised or undermined, and be prepared to defend them when necessary.
3. Learning to say no is a powerful way to stand up for your values and protect what you believe in. It's about honouring your boundaries and asserting yourself with confidence and respect.
Start by understanding your values and recognizing when a request or situation conflicts with them. Practice assertive communication, using clear and firm language to express your decision without feeling guilty or apologizing unnecessarily.
Remember that saying no doesn't make you selfish or unkind; it's about prioritizing your well-being and staying true to your principles.
Be prepared for potential pushback or disappointment from others, but remain firm in your decision and calmly reiterate your reasons if needed. By confidently saying no when necessary, you affirm your values and preserve your integrity, paving the way for authentic and meaningful interactions in the future.
Remember that protecting your values isn't always easy, but the strength and integrity they provide are worth every effort. Trust in your convictions and stay resilient in upholding what you hold dear, for it's through steadfast dedication that your values remain untarnished and enduring.
2 Ways To Teach Values To Your Youngsters
1. Start by leading by example; let your actions speak louder than words. Show kindness to others, talk honestly, and demonstrate respect in your interactions.
2. Engage your youngsters in discussions about values, explaining why they're important and how to apply them daily. Encourage your youngsters to think critically about their choices and their impact on themselves and others. Create opportunities for them to practice living by their values, whether it's through volunteering, helping out a neighbour, or standing up for what's right.
Most importantly, they should be patient and supportive as they navigate their journey of understanding and embracing their values.
In the grand tapestry of life, values serve as the vibrant threads weaving together the fabric of who we are, guiding our decisions, shaping our interactions, and defining our paths. They are the compass points that steer us through the vast sea of experiences, helping us navigate our life experiences with clarity and purpose.
As parents, understanding and embracing our values isn't just a matter of personal growth—it's a profound responsibility that influences our children's lives. In the hustle and bustle of daily life, it's easy to lose sight of our values amidst the clamour of obligations and distractions. Yet, during these hectic moments, our values become even more vital, serving as beacons of authenticity and integrity.
When we live in alignment with our values, we cultivate a deep sense of self-esteem and confidence, knowing that our thoughts, words, and actions are congruent with our core beliefs. Moreover, by embodying our values, we create a powerful ripple effect that extends far beyond ourselves, shaping the values and character of our children.
Children are keen observers, absorbing what we say and how we live. Thus, by modelling kindness, respect, empathy, and resilience in our daily interactions, we impart invaluable lessons that lay the foundation for their moral compass.
Teaching values to our children is not merely about imparting rules or doctrines but nurturing their innate capacity for compassion, integrity, and empathy. It's about empowering them to navigate life's challenges with grace and authenticity, armed with the guiding principles that will serve as their North Star in times of uncertainty.
As we embark on this journey of parenthood, let us embrace the profound importance of knowing our values, staying true to them, and imparting them to the next generation. Let us cultivate a culture of authenticity, empathy, and resilience within our families—a culture guided by the timeless principles that unite us in our shared humanity.
Next week, we'll discuss something super important: self-care! But self-care is not just about getting pampered or relaxing. It's about respecting ourselves and setting boundaries that match our values. We'll learn how caring for ourselves helps us feel better mentally, emotionally, and physically. So, let's discover together how self-care can make us stronger and happier!
Remember, the key is to lead by example and create a safe space for open communication within your family.
Change begins with ourselves!
You are not alone in this parenting journey!
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The Tips for Parenting Youngsters Podcast and content posted by Cathy Barker is presented solely for general information, educational, and entertainment purposes. The use of information on this podcast or materials linked from this podcast or website is at the user’s own risk. It is not intended as a substitute for the advice of a physician, professional coach, psychotherapist, or other qualified professional, diagnosis, or treatment. Users should not disregard or delay in obtaining medical advice for any medical or mental health condition they may have. They should seek the assistance of their healthcare professional for any such conditions.
